"....tear down these walls.."

I'll always remember those historic words spoken in 1987, and then the fall of the Berlin Wall a few months later, 25 years ago today in 1989. I was almost 18 and old enough to know that the nations, and their relationships with one another were making a critical pivot as they paid heed to Bush #41's call to action.

1987 was also a time of significant events in my life; there were these historic words; the Challenger disaster; graduating high school and beginning college; the Lockerby bombing, my own consciousness of the AIDS epidemic; the waning hay day of the Evangelical movement, the year I lost my paternal grandfather and his mother-- the spiritual matriarch of our family whose faith blessed, and continues to bless her children, children's children (Prov 13:22).

It was also the year I began dating my future wife and he period of time which I spent my first globe trekking adventure into New Zealand and Australia.

In 1989, when the Berlin Wall came down, I was breaking free from the walls of my parents covering and establishing my own life. I had also began the process of allowing God to tear down the false walls my time at Crestview (Acts 23:3) had built. Reexamining my entire relationship with the Holy Spirit and finding my authentic Jesus on His terms and not the way that He was presented to my while growing up inside the walls of a Laodicean Church (Rev 3:14-22).

Twenty-five years later I never would have imagined myself an unjustly convicted innocent person living on the mission field behind the fenced walls of incarceration (Acts 16:16-40).

At times I have felt like David, writing in Psalms 62, "that I am a saggy wall (v3)", wondering how much longer my son, like David's own prodigal Absalom, will tell his lies (v4; 2Sam 15). Thankfully, my God has given me inward peace, a joy without a roof (Ps 63), keeping me safe and secure; He saves and honors me (Ps 62:5-7).

Like David, and the Prodigal Father, I find myself waiting beside my walls, anticipating news of my son's return sanity and attempt to reconcile (2 Sam 18:24; Luke 15:20).

Walls have played important roles in world history. Early biblical walls were built to protect a select population, to keep out enemies, unwanted peoples, and animals. Walls were built to corral sheep, allowing the shepherd to rest and keep watch at night (John 10:7). Walls were built to protect gardens and vineyards (Num 22). Walls were erected to segregate the ill from the healthy; the poor from the elite; in Berlin the East from the West; in China, the kingdom from the Huns and the Mongols; in Korea, the North from the South; in Jerusalem, God's elect from the Palestinians; and even in our own homeland the unwanted immigrant from the promises of the Land of Opportunity.

Punishment has been doled out for moving wall markers (Prov 22:28; Duet 13:14). Wars have been fought over walls. Jealousy, lies, perjury, and covetousness have led to murder over walls (1 Kings 21). Walls have fallen and been rebuilt over and over and over again.


One of my most favorite family memories is walking atop the Great Wall of China at the Jung yean Pass north of Beijing. I recall with great fondness racing my children from tower to tower, to the 7th tower, to see whom could go along the farthest of all. It was a realization of one of my bucket list items 30 years before I thought I could make it happen on my own. It was a blessing and ordination of God's grace upon us.

Today, on the eve of my pending divorce, I was have to be mindful not to build up walls where they should not belong. Taking my cue from the falsely accused, convicted, and imprisoned Joseph, I need to make purposeful quality decisions (Prov 16:33, Gen 45:7) to not erect any walls between my wife and me as she subcomes to her depression, rejection, and abandonment issues and breaks our wedding vows because our "for better and for richer" times have taken on the appearance of being "for worse and for poorer".

I have to remember that God can use all circumstances to bring good from every evil inspiration and deed (Gen 50:20, Rom 8:29) and not setup walls that deflect any potential restoration of my family. Like Esau, I need to ensure no walls are constructed that keeps a wayward brother, son, or wife from reuniting and making reconciliation with their family (Gen 33:4). Where Nehemiah was a wall builder, I need to follow the example of Christ by being a wall breecher (Eph 2:14).

I am thankful for this Crabtree Wilderness and mission field, and the safety I find within its walls of icy tinted razor wire. Like Rahab, as long as I stay the course and keep myself confined within the section of wall God has placed me, when He decided to move and breakthrough I will remain safe (Josh 2:15).

Twenty-five years after the beginning cracks and chips of societies most significant barrier began to show the world that walls are more destructive in nature than healing, I remain ready for a breakthrough to appear and my wall to give way to truth and freedom, knowing hat "the Lord has promised to be a protective wall of fire" (Zech 2:5). I proclaim the promise of David that "when I was walled in, you freed me and proclaimed that I was innocent" (Ps 18:19-20).

Suffering without Shame

When we are no longer able to change our situation, we are forced to change ourselves-- Victor Frankl

When I was first arrested the state renamed me with the number 1190113, remanded me into their foreign culture, forced me into their acrobatic uniform, drastically restricted my diet and vengeful lay stripped me away from those I love (Daniel 1). In my desperation I cried out to God and He led me to Psalms 119:113, telling me, "Do not be two-faced." James also exhorted me "not to be two faced" (v 1-6).

As I continued to speak with God He expanded on this admonishment by progressively revealing the following instructions; to have trust without worry, faith without doubt, hope without despair, love without condition (to include forgiveness), to give Him glory without reservation, to have peace without fear, and joy without a roof.

Of late He has chanllenged me to celebrate the ablility, the gift, the growth of character that happens when we suffer for the cause of Christ without shame.

On 6/24/2014, Dr. Kinnear (on of our dedicated ministry volunteers) shared in an emotional testimony that she "would not be ashamed because of what God has allowed her to experience and grow through" (1 Peter 4:14-16). That thought, those words, resonated deep within my own spirit. Her powerful words motivated further conversation with God and helped me focus some thoughts I've had of late while waiting for these gun medaled fences topped with their glistening rows of icy sharp razor wire to release me. (Ps 18:19-20)

Suffering is new to me, or at least this type of prolonged and intensely personal suffering. By anyone's standards I've lead a blessed life of abundance: a good family, great childhood, an enduring 27 year long relationship and marriage, wonderful children, an excellent career, and fulfilling missions, ministry and personal achievement (Ps 128). There have been bumps along the way, but nothing God didn't use to bring an increase or bless me and my family through (Gen 50:20).

This trial, this suffering, birthed from the lies of my own prodigal Absolom (2 Sam 15; Luke 15) to gain an inheritance before its time, began in April 2009 and culminated with my unjust imprisonment three years later on Aug. 31, 2012. Being in jail itself is the location of my suffering get, but not its root. Joining the likes of Joseph, Jeremiah, Johachin, Daniel, John the Baptist, Paul, Peter and others, while a hardship, was not the reason why I suffer. The Word tells us that some will be jailed for the cause of Christ (2 Tim 2, Rev 2:10). Yes, I was in jail, but my suffering was rooted in my broken and aching heart for my family, especially my daughter (Ruth 13, Gen 37:39, Mark 5:23).

My only true ambition in life was to be a great parent (Gen 12, 1 Sam 1). I knew from a young tween that that was my highest calling. I come from a great loving family and that's all I really aspire for. So I've struggled, often, when Jesus admonishes that, "you will be betrayed by your own family" (Luke 21:10), or that He came to "turn sons against their fathers", and that "your worst enemy will be in your own family" (Mt 10:35-36). Such prophetic notions seemed so foreign to me, but have become the source of my greatest suffering (2 Sam 19; Gen 37).

Like the rich young ruler, Jesus has called for, arranged for, me to surrender that which I hold most dear. In my journey to become more like Christ, the thing holding me back (Mark 10:29-31) while not wealth but something I valued as much, if not more than my Savior, was my family, especially my children. Unlike Hannah (1 Sam 1), when Jesus says in Luke 18 that "anyone who gives up home, or wife or children will be given much more in this life". I found the challenge too daunting. I would have had a very difficult time "leaving everything" (v.28) as Peter said he did if that included my young children. My suffering comes as a result of Satan being released to challenge that which I self-righteously held as a barrier between myself and God (Luke 22:31; 2 Chron 32; Job 1). While not wealth or belongings I certainly exalted my family and my role in it.

There is no shame in my imprisonment. I am not guilty of the accusations that 12 random people were convinced of by a lying, entitled, and disillusioned son, a dishonest and prideful led DA's office (Acts 6:11, Mt 26:54), and a greed filled soul (Ps 94:20-21; 64:3-5; 27:12). John warns,"do not worry about what you will suffer. The devil will throw some of your into jail, and you will be tested and made to suffer" (Rev 2:10). Jesus even says "when (not if) you are arrested...because of (your faithfulness to) Him" that we are to remain faithful (Mark 13:11-13). Through God's mercy there is no physical or mental suffering in this imprisonment (Ps 79:4; 31:7-8; 40:1-3). God has kept His word to keep me safe. My suffering was in the painful emotional separation from my family. I have no shame because of my incarceration on this Crabtree mission field (Acts 16:25-31). Many have been falsely imprisoned before me, and unfortunately others will follow (Prov 6:1-9).

Romans encourages us to gladly suffer because we know that suffering helps us to endure, and endurance builds character, which gives us a hope that will never disappoint us (Rm 5:3-5).

Peter almost seems to thrill in his encouragement "to not be ashamed to suffer for being a Christian, but to count it a blessing" (1 Peter 4:14-16). I find further comfort in his instructions to "give a kind and respectful answer and to keep your conscience clear. This way you will make people ashamed for saying bad things about your good conduct as a follower of Christ" (v. 3:16).

Suffering causes us to meet Jesus in a new way. It increases our trust and deepens our reliance upon Him to act for our good. There is little more I can do to gain my own release. Only He can transform the hearts of those who have lied, exposing their duplicity and revealing the truth. I have filed the legal motions I can, but without an attorney, or parents (Luke 21:16) or wife to actually and actively aggressively pursue my freedom, I am at a significant disadvantage.

I am forced to be totally reliant upon Him, and to follow His prompting some. My goal is to not be two-faced as this time of sanctification, suffering, endurance, and character building continues to run the course God has established. I will continue to keep my eyes on the Lord, to shine like the sun and never blush with shame (Prov 34:5), knowing that the Lord will be true to His word to keep me alive and strong (Ps 119:116). I want to emerge from this Crabtree mission field not only  exonerated, but as a more fully developed, more mature version of myself (Philemon) because of the shameless character building achieved through endurance, wrought through suffering (Rm 5:3-5), sanctified by God (Ps 139:13-16; Rom 8:29), free to return to my family, more blessed than before and sharing my unashamed-ness (Job 42:12, 2 Kings 25:27-30).

Joy without a Roof

600 days ago, my first day in jail, I never would have thought that I would be able to write about, much less experience, the joy of the fruit of the Holy Spirit that can be experienced despite the painful heartache of the circumstances that Satan creates.  

Paul lists the fruits of the Holy Spirit as self-control, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, patience, peace, love, and joy (Galatians 5).  James encourages us to be joy-filled, even in the middle of all of our troubles (James 1:2).  Four years ago when I was first arrested and assigned my county i.d. (#1190113) God reminded me to not be tow-faced (Psalm 119:113), to have trust without worry and faith without doubt.  Eventually, He encouraged me to have hope without despair and love without condition (to include forgiving my son).  Then, even before my trial He gave me opportunities to give Him glory without reservation.  Through my initial incarceration He taught me to have peace without fear.  Now, 600 days later I realize that He has also allowed me to experience joy without a roof!

            Those first nights in county jail, as I sat there in shock and sorrow, struggling to know why God was allowing me to experience the pain of separation from my family, had a person told me that I would eventually find a place of joy-birthed from trust, faith, hope, love, glory and peace- I would have called that person crazy. However, that is exactly what I have found.

            I am beginning to have an understanding of Peter’s audacious admonishment to be joyful for the chance to suffer as Christ suffered. (I Peter 4:12). Solomon promised too that God will keep you joyful so that you won’t have time to worry about each day (Ecc 5:20).  Isaiah also foretold that the Spirit of the Lord would replace my broken heart with joyous praise. (Isaiah 61:3)

            Pharrell Williams mega hit “Happy” was a spectacular meme this spring.  As it played over and over on TV and radio I realized that I have moments of being genuinely happy, but more important that that temporary state of mind, I am joyful. As Pharrell sings it, I am “happy, life a room without a roof”.

            I miss my family terribly, and Satan wants me to feel guilty for having embraced the fruit of joy despite the separation from my wife, daughter, and son, but it is undeniable.  He has replaced my broken heart with joy as Jesus proclaims in His Nazareth Manifesto, I claim the remainder of that prophetic verse as my own truth; “that He will heal my broken heart, announce my freedom, show me kindness, give me beauty for ashes, and punish my enemies” (Luke 4) I also claim the joy of formerly imprisoned Jehoichin; to be freed, turn in these prison clothes, eat healthy food, and having all my financial needs met (2 Kings 25).

            I find increasing encouragement from this gift of joy without a roof.  Even God acknowledged our need to experience him without the obstacle of a roof.  God used Moses to instruct His people that Sukkot was a time each year to remind ourselves that it is not our possession, or positions, that make us happy.  During the Festival of Shelters (Lev. 23) we are reminded that to find contentment in a frail roofless hut with the knowledge that God is our protection is far more meaningful than to rely on the strength, safety, and security that a ceiling may provide.

The rood of a sukkah must be made out of vegetation, something that grows, to make us sensitive to those things created by God rather than through man.  The covering had to not be so thick that the Israelites could not look through the top and see the Heaven’s above, which are the true source of our protection, and our joy.  

I rejoice in that protection and joy from above.  Part of the reason that I have found a centered place of meditative joy is through continuous praise, especially by being part of various praise teams and choirs on the prison yard.

Jehoshaphat challenges us to trust and believe that the Lord will help us if we boldly use praise to lead us to success and joy (2 Chron. 20:20-27).  Being on a “yard” that is blessed with the ability to have a variety of worship experiences and to be able to serve Him through praise has been a stabilizing force in my time behind these fences.

Being on an “open, roofless yard” has helped as well.  To be able to spend time outside walking, working out, playing softball, watching the trees grow, flowers bloom, and hayfields ripen all have contributed to being joy filled and feeling less than caged.  David writes that when “I was fenced in, you freed me and rescued me because you loved me, that you were good to me because I do right, and you reward me because I am innocent” (Ps. 18)

In the middle of a situation that looked so bleak 600 days ago, like the Israelites of past and present, who continue to celebrate each fall, I look up past the false ceiling that Satan has tried to trap me under and celebrate in the joy where my protection comes from, knowing that the “truth will last forever, and lies will soon be found out; that an evil mind is deceitful, but that gentle thoughts bring joy” (Ps. 12)  I rejoice now, knowing that “when justice is done, good citizens are joyful and liars are terrified,” (Ps. 21) and that “all who are happy when I am freed will be joy filled and will proclaim ‘The Lord is wonderful.’” (Ps. 35)

Lumpkin's Opinion

 Place holder for Judge Lumpkin's opinion

500 Days of Hope

Day 500-a year ago, jail day #135 I was in Tulsa County Jail waiting for, dreading, my eventual move to LAR and reassignment to a DOC facility. Each day was nerve racking, not knowing when the axe would fall and it would be time to “pull chains”. A year later I have to purposefully try to recall those emotions as I reflect on where God has brought me. I was so physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted after those initial 135 days in county lockup. I remember being so very cold, shivering for days at a time under a thin wisp of a blanket wrapped around myself to fight off the chill that seeped through the shared exterior wall of Cell X. I also remember the time spent on my face in prayer on that frigid concrete slab, verbalizing what I knew to be the right words; telling the Holy Spirit that I didn't want to be two-faced, that I truly wanted to have trust without worry as James exhorts us to, but being so hesitantly scared as well.

It is said that we live life forward, but understand it backwards. A year later I have more appreciation for the shock, sorrow, and struggle that God was allowing me to experience on my knees and face in that cold, stark, gray cement encasement. He wanted me to experience for, if not the first, certainly the most significant time in my life, what it means to have trust without worry, faith without doubt, and hope without despair.

In all of my 45 years I've never been left with nothing except trust, faith and hope as my only stabilizing forces. I've lived such a blessed life in which not only has God richly and continually looked out for me and my needs, but He also gifted me with enough knowledge, intuition, and instincts to enjoy the security of meaningful relationships, children, employment, travel, ministry and the abundance of a life lived well.

Being figuratively stripped of family, children, work, and the comforts and amenities of life was difficult. Being literally stripped, several times, shaved bald, deloused and treated as sub-human was degrading. Satan tried his very best to devoid me of every last vestige of the life I had; like the biblical Job, I found myself being renounced by my wife. Like Esau, I discovered even my own mothering Rebekah was being used by Satan to attempt to bring condemnation through retribution. Like King David I was betrayed by my own prodigal Absalom in an attempt to gain an inheritance before its time.

AW Tozer said that “It is doubtful that God can use a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply”. It is from this deepest hurt, I dare say the deepest of my life, that God has allowed the seeds of trust, faith and hope planted by the Holy Spirit through multiple generations of grandparents to be watered and grown into the full blown virtues that they are meant to be.

While I recognize that I have had previous experience with trust and faith, these past 500 days have given new revelations on what it means to experience hope to combat despair. I don’t know if I could have experienced a singular reliance on hope without first finding myself on the coronal edge of white hot despair; and I don’t know if there is a any greater despair than seeing and talking to the ones you love and desire to be with through an inch thick sheet of tear etched plexiglass: wanting to so badly hold, hug and kiss them. Being restrained by the invisible pane of that painful barrier is such a desperately hopeless feeling of defeat and disillusion. Out of that brokenness the Holy Spirit gave birth to hope. After that small gracious glimmer of hope was in place it bolstered my faith and trust which watered and gave nourishment to that very same glimmer, fostering its growth into the hope that brings reassurance, restoration, resolution, and eventually reconciliation and restitution.

These past 500 days have also given me deeper insight into the lives of those who have not known God, or worse, known and turned their backs on God. I’ve seen the rawness of pain of those incarcerated because of so many reasons. And, frankly, those reasons don’t even matter. What does matter is how I respond to them and their pain. So many of those men that I now find myself in a forced brotherhood of bondage with are just looking for that same hope: some kind word, or affirmation, some indication that they matter; that they are loved, not just by other men, other creatures of humanity, but more importantly by their Creator. It is in this cause that Christ has reinforced His message of loving others as a way to reveal God’s own love for us: to express unconditional regard despite a person's unconscionable behavior; to walk and talk as an expression of God’s love on this gray, prison yard, but also beyond this yard.

As God uses this time as an opportunity to turn surrender and sanctification into His service, the challenge is to remember the lessons of the pasta 500 days long after restoration is bestowed and I am home, reconciled with those I love and found myself so desperate to be with and living a life of abundant restitution; to remember to show the unconditional love of god that points to His grace to those caught up in life’s hurts, habits, and hang ups; to remember to advocate for those families caught up in similar circumstances, transitions, and upheavals as they are faced with a parents incarceration.

On day 500 I find myself more blessed and thankful than I could have imagined possible 365 days ago. After 500 days of transformation I increasingly find myself grateful for the experience and ready to push forward into day 501 sharing this story, giving Him the glory, while gratefully giving glimmers of hope.