THE Force Awakens

The first half of December has been very emotional, and the second half promises to be no less so. My birthday was the 7^th, today is day 1200, Friday is the premiere of Star Wars Episode VII, my 4^th Christmas without my family is fast approaching, followed by the new year; each day being one I have dreaded, being falsely convicted, locked up, alone, and without my loved ones to be around.

Satan continues to attempt to trap me in the snares of rejection, depression and oppression by attempting to place upon me his unholy thoughts and feelings. I find myself physically hungry and wanting to eat all of the time to pass the lonely evenings, satiate the boredom, and stave off the solitude and depression (than goodness I have a very limited cash flow and cannot afford to have food in my locker box or I would be as obese and gluttonous as Jabba the Hutt). It is a continual daily, sometimes hourly, occasionally moment by moment, fight to rise above the threats, intimidations, and accusations of the dark side and to maintain the higher calling and standards that the Lord has instilled in, and insists upon, me to uphold.

As much as I despise the desolation, destitution, and denigration of the past 1200 days, I have fond one thing to be grateful for: THE Force that has awakened anew within me as God’s Holy Spirit has reinforced Himself so much more deeply, clearly, and resolutely in my life. If God’s Holy Force had not responded to my deep sorrow, my deep sadness, and deep despair from the rejection, abandonment, and isolation I felt sitting in Tulsa County jail, Lexington A&R, and now Crabtree, I don’t know that I would have, could have, survived nor thrived the way I appear to be existing in this Sith-like experience.

When I read through the plot summary of this 7^th episode of the Star Wars saga, I relate so well to the tragedy that befalls Han Solo, being betrayed and scorned, killed, by a son whom was/is more concerned with his own future, with his own millennial driven entitlement issues, than with the truth or a relationship with his family.

Just as Kylo Ren (Ben Organa-Skywalker-Solo) listened to the unholy whisperings of Supreme Leader Snoke, as Aniken did from Palpatine, and Absalom did Satan (2 Sam 13,15), my son too was swayed by the evil entities and unholy spirits that so stealthily and sithfully whispered to him that whatever complaints, concerns, and unwanted corrections he had in his life were to be attributed to his father (2 Sam 14).

Despite Han’s, Obi-wan’s, David’s (2 Sam 14:23-30; 18:4-6), or even my best efforts, our padawan’s could not be swayed from their evil and unjust inclinations and plans.

I still struggle to understand why my son chose the patch, the dark side, that he did/has. I don’t know what he has gained through his betrayal, deception, and lies except to gain favor and an inheritance from his grandmother before it was truly due. Like Kylo Ren, he too was/is looking to secure his future for himself, on his own terms, instead of seeking THE Force to lead him in His direction for his life.

I continue to pray daily for my son’s turn from the dark side. However, it all seems prophetic as Luke forewarns that in the last days that you will be betrayed by your family (v 21:16), and Mark more specifically says that children will turn against their parents and have them killed (v 13:12). I see in The Force Awakens the very same plotline of my current situation: Han getting the shaft from a son under a dark side influence.

I praise God that I am not operating solo; that THE Force, God’s Holy Spirit, His Word, and His Wisdom have saved me. I know that shafting dark side experiences are inevitable (James 1:1-8) and are allowed into our lives to winnow us, to grow us, to strengthen and prepare us for a greater purpose and calling by the Light Side of THE Force. I find great comfort and resolve in knowing that my God despises, even hates, people who lie, make evil plans, give false testimony in court, and stir up trouble in a family (Prov 6:19). I cling to the promises of David, even as he suffered under Absalom’s Kylo-Ren like vendetta, that God will expose lies and liars, reveal the truth, shatter their jaws, capture, and defeat liars with their own traps (Ps 3, 63, 71).

As my Federal Appeal sits for day #272 on Judge Frizzel’s desk I rejoice in knowing that God’s Holy Spirit, THE Force in my life, continues to be my constant comforter, companion, and caretaker. I find great compunction in knowing that He is my counsel, advocate, and paraclete bringing justice to my case, exposing lies and liars, revealing truth and freeing me from these fences (Ps 18:19-20). I thank THE Force in my life for helping me abstain from being emotionally two-faced (Ps 119:113) and gluttonous as I await deliverance and rescue, trusting that although we make our own decisions and choices, light or dark, that He alone determines what happens (Prov 16:33, “No Dice”) having faith and a new hope that He will deliver me through His continued daily awakening force from within.

Serve Without Reserve

Go set a watchman to expose what is going on—IS 21:6 

I recently read Go Set a Watchman and had some of the direction in the Holy Spirit has been giving me affirmed. As Harper Lee explains through Scout’s weekend back in Maycomb, your Watchman is your own awareness to see the truth of “what is going on”, no longer being deceived, unaware, or unprepared. After being awoken to the unspoken bigotry of her community, Scout declares, “I need a watchman to … draw a line down the middle and say here is the justice and say here is that justice and make me understand the difference.”

As I consider not just the past eleven hundred days, but the eleven hundred to come, I truly find myself focusing on what my new consciousness of the overwhelming injustice of Oklahoma’s, especially of Tulsa County’s, judicial court system leads me to do. As the former Scout, Jean Louise, becomes painfully aware of the political, spiritual, and economic bigotry of her former community and family, it appalls her and sickens her.

I too am appalled and disillusioned by the way the state and city I have loved living and serving in has been adjudicating generational injustice to so many of the families in our state through the mass incarceration of so many of its mother and fathers. Children and families continue to suffer and degrade as self-serving and self-righteous district attorneys and judges serve up political, prejudicial, and predetermined injustice as they seek to hide behind walls of fences and razor wire those who, are themselves, victims of generational poverty, a substandard educational system, cyclical addiction, and mental impairments that have led many men and women to engage in socially unacceptable behaviors.

After 3 years in jail and talking with a wide variety of fellow “offenders”, it is clear to me that Oklahoma is adjudicating a “tough-on crime” Christian morality by incarcerating those who D.A.’s and judges do not deem to hold near and dear the same Christian values that they themselves purport to esteem. If you are impoverished, mentally disabled, under educated, chemically dependent, view pornography, struggle with sexual identity, are Muslim, are too darkly complected, or in any way do not espouse their homogenized expectation of conforming to a heterosexually married person with 2 children and a full-time job paradigm, then you are a prime candidate for incarceration.

What is a person, a follower of Christ, to do when he steps outside of his firmly rooted, yet silent and unknown, unrealized bigotry, and becomes aware of such radical injustice within the society he lives? What is the Watchman’s responsibility when he sees “what is going on” and it makes him ill?

When Moses’ consciousness was awoken, he interceded in the unjustified beating of his kinsman; David stood up to the harsh bully harassing His brothers; Esther interceded, fasted and prayed, for an entire people’ group being prejudiced and segregated; when the Apostles’ set their watchmen they became martyrs; when Jehoiachin headed Jeremiahs advice (29:4-14) and set his Watchman he led his people through incarceration and was rewarded by being freed from prison, eating at the King’s table, being well clothed, and never wanting again (52:31-34).

I have de-barnacled my own consciousness from the collectives of my county and state. I have a new awareness and will never be the same. As Uncle Finch advises Scout, “Prejudice and Faith have something in common: they both begin where reason ends.” The Holy Spirit has sown me that I have a mission to expose the prejudices of the Oklahoma judicial system, to bring back some reason into sentencing those who truly are guilty, to expose the political, prejudicial, and predetermined  injustices sought by the Tulsa Co. D.A’s office, adjudicated in Tulsa Co. courtrooms, and agreed to by well-meaning but maliciously maligned, manipulated, and marioneted Tulsa Co. juries, to set my Watchman and expose “what is really going on,” as an act of service to my community, with the Holy Spirit as my guide.

Day 1000

One day in your temple is better than a thousand anywhere else (Ps. 84:10 CEV).

    This Psalm holds new meaning now that I have a marker to refer back 1,000 days to (9-1-12).  1000 days seems so long ago, but at times they have passed so very quickly, like a wink, or a breath.  Ps 90:4 says that “A 1000 years means nothing to the Lord” and I can understand that better, as these 1000 days have zipped by so very speedily.  

    I’ve been praying about what to write about this day for some time.  I’ve been proclaiming victory on/for this day for months, and am anxious to see what manifest itself.  I woke up at 4:30 am this morning in prayer and contemplation about today.  When I turned on “mama Joyce” Meyer this morning she used Ps. 105:17-18 inspiration for today, once again drawing my attention back to Joseph.

    Joseph was falsely accused of a crime that was unspeakably heinous, similar to my own situation (Gen 39:16-20).  He too was unjustly convicted and imprisoned.  Not much is said about his 13 years in prison, being separated from his family, friends, and community while having to navigate the twists and turns of prison life.  Joseph’s 8th great grandnephew, David does give us some insight into his uncle’s captivity in Ps. 105.  David says that “as he was fettered Joseph’s soul entered into the iron, that what he went through hurt him so badly that he didn’t know how to talk about it (v.17-18)”.  In Hebrew the verse says that as he was laid in iron, that his soul was pierced and came into the iron and the iron came into his soul, mingling with his soul (Heb #938 bow:to go on, come, bring in, bring into, or to cause).  In Hebrew the hurt (#6031 and) mentioned means to depress affect, debase, humble, or submit.  

    This verse is about so much more than just being in handcuffs.  Joseph’s soul was penetrated, pierced, by the iron and the iron entered into his soul and it strengthened him, he maintained (by purposefully choosing to reflect God’s ; character conduct, and conversation) a good attitude and rose above his circumstances.  

    Ps. 105 goes on to say that Joseph remained a slave, imprisoned and forced away from his family, until his own words had come true and the Lord had finished testing him (v.19).  Joseph’s words were those of prophetic dreams (Gen. 37) that led to the salvation of his family in the middle of a world wide famine (Gen 42-50).  

    My words are those of Ps. 1190113, to not be two-faced; of Prov. 16:33 No Dice 663423, to trust God’s divine purpose; and of Ps. 18:19-20 to be freed from these fences and proven innocent because He loves me.

    I am thankful for Joseph’s example.  I find great hope in his story.  We share so much in common.  He evidently bore much sorrow in missing his family (Gen 42:24, 45), but at some point also found peace (Gen 39:21-23) and success (Gen 41:37-57), fore when he named his first son Manasseh, which means “God has let me forget all my troubles [and missing] my family back home (v.51)”.  I certainly could not have survived this incarceration and banishment without the Holy Spirit shielding my soul from the death grip my emotions were strangling it with because of my deep, deep heartache for my daughter.  When Joseph had a second son he named him Ephraim, which means "God has made me a success in the land where I suffered” (v52). 1000 days ago I could not have, would not have been remotely able to, envision how God has blessed me and given me success in this exile.  From the Holy Spirit cradling me in my deepest despair in county jail, through the blessing of being assigned to Crabtree, my position on the offender counsel, election to president of Toastmasters, being able to facilitate an Addicts at the Cross addiction recovery group, and my job and influence in the canteen I have been incredibly, overwhelmingly lifted up and saved in the middle of my suffering.  

    1000 days ago when fetters were placed on my hands and feet, like Joseph, my soul was also pierced.  The intense pain in my spirit was debasing and depressing.  However, God’s Holy Spirit has turned that time to my advantage as I humbled myself to submit to His plans to transform and transition my life into something greater than it already was.  I still do not know exactly what that will be, but trust Him that it will be a blessed life, 1000 times more blessed than the already abundantly blessed life than he brought me out of (Duet 1:11).  Someday soon he will free me from these fences (Ps. 18:19-20) and gates, shattering the iron locks, and rescuing me from prison (Ps. 107:10, 16).  He will expose the lies, liars, and those who have ruled with injustice, placing them in soul submitting irons (Ps. 149:7-8). He will restore me to my family, friends, and community (Acts 16:40, Gen. 45-50)where I can use this experience to express the true care, compassion, and concern Christ has for those who suffer injustice (Acts 16:37-39).  He’ll restore me to my spiritual brothers and sisters who will continue to sharpen the iron that I now fully embrace (Pr. 27:17).  

    1000 days is a definite marker.  I believe that God has, is, and will continue to work towards justice, redemption, and restoration (Gen. 50:20).  I believe that through sharing my testimony and walking along side others that are experiencing similar injustices that, like Joseph, I can rise above my iron pierced affliction, be strengthened by it, and can pass along what I have been blessed with the past 1000 days, 1000 times over.

Follow your compass not your clock

The first time I referenced this saying was after my initial exposure to Youthwave in 1999, while in Austin, Texas with the Garnett Youth group. When I first heard it, it was profound and really made me reconsider ministry, evangelism, discipleship, and my role as a follower of Chris in a different way.

15 years later, as I pray for justice: that lies and liars be exposed and for God to free me from these fences and prove that I am innocent (Ps 18:19-20); holding true to His promise to me on 10/5/12 to free me in such a way that everyone knows I am innocent, He again reminds me to follow His compass, not my clock. His compass is His word, His teachings (Ps 119:69), His Holy Spirit, His plans, purposes and pursuits. He reminds me that there are still things I am to learn while waiting so that I emerge from this mission field a more disciplined, more authentic, and more compassionate encourager to those who suffer injustice.

Dr Charles Stanley wrote in the Jan 27, 2015 In Touch Devotional that “the most effective encouragers are those who say “there was nothing I could do but cry out to God. Let me tell you what the Lord did in response.” If we try to escape pain, we will miss out on the opportunities and principles that can be learned only from suffering; then we cannot be useful to others. Our loving father builds encouragers from the material of a life willing to be broken.”

These 900 days have certainly been a time of being made a useful encourager. He has exposed me to the true prejudicial, political and predetermined injustices that are rampant in the Okla. Judicial System. He has given me cardinal and ordinal directions to guide me in ways of maturing that build me up and bring Him glory as I build up those around me.

I struggle, however, taking my focus off the clock. I am weary and saddened by the ever-growing gap in time that separates my daughter from me. Too often, I think of the weeks apart and the life events missed out on. I trust that He has a bigger plan, a plan that not only reunites us, but restores the time, events and important moments we have had to miss out on.

As I pivot once again from my clock back to His compass I am reminded to set my bearings, my headings, upon the promises and principles of God, looking at the examples in the Word of others who have been caught up in similar circumstances, specifically Joseph (Gen) and Jehoiachin (Jer 29, 52:31-34). The bearings God gave them to dial in on included settling, building, growing, planting, helping, and encouraging. God promised that after a time that He would bring them ack to their place of origin and bless them with a future filled with hope.

On day #900, I find myself blessed and protected in this fish’s gullet. In contrast I also find myself fighting discouragement as another vine withers, Valentine’s Day passes, my wedding anniversary ensues, and my daughter’s first prom season approaches, and I am missing out on those singularly unique events. He more I try to remove my focus from the clock the more I seem to become increasingly aware of the time I am missing from my family, and the life I could be, should be, living.

Out of talent, time, and treasure, I have always viewed time as my most precious commodity, so I do not wonder why I am struggling to continue to keep my focus on God’s declination points for my life instead of time. He set the stars and planets in place to give not only physical and spiritual directions, but to mark stretches of time (Ps 104:19, Gen 1:14, Lk 21:25, Mt 2:9). Time and compass points are related throughout biblical history. Astronomy was the science of the day that not only marked God’s Modes, but produced the standard increments of the day, week and month. The prophesies of Daniel, Jeremiah, and John focus on the times to come and directions of humanity.

I know that it is Satan that is pulling my attention off the all-encompassing character, conduct, and conversation that God wants me to focus on and skewing my attention to time. As Satan brings on his worries, wearies and waylays I need to be mindful to recalculate my bearings onto the care, compassion, and concern that He wants me to convey to others as I live and interact on this Crabtree mission field to be willing to go where He has decided (Prov 16:9), to pick up my cross and follow Him, allowing His word to be a lamp on the path (Ps 119:105), trusting that He has a plan that separates me from injustice as far as the east is from the west.

On this Mardi Gras Tuesday and the following 40 days of Lent perhaps I will consider giving up my focus on time, foregoing my daily calendar count, and focusing on what directions God wants me to pursue while I wait, pray, grow, dial in, and redraw my bearings upon His directions until He opens up these fences and proves that I am innocent (Ps 18:19-20).