Like a broken tooth is reliance on the unfaithful in a time
of trouble- Prov 25:19
Today marks yet another (17th) 100-day period of
being a falsely accused and convicted innocent man. This 100-day period, like
the others, has seen me grow, mature in Christ, and be radically blessed. During
my carceral mission field God continues to bestow abundance (for the situation)
and revelation through His Holy Spirit.
These 100 days, unlike Donald Trump’s 1st 100,
has been full of success. The Lord has blessed me with a new memory foam
mattress, 2 pair of shoes, a lamp, and a pair of shorts. I have parlayed these
into the hygiene, shingles medication, and other items that I have desperately needed.
I also was able to pass some of the blessings along to others in need.
The past 3 ½ months also saw the end of 30-week long
shingles episode I experienced. On 2/10 and 2/17 I made a medical run to OKC
and saw a dermatologist on 2/17. He prescribed benzoyl peroxide to heal the
final pocks. Today I can hardly see any ruminants, PTL!
On 2/27 I marked my 4th year of living at JCCC.
On 3/13 I celebrated being back inside the canteen for as long as I ad been
out. On 3/17 my Federal Appeal turned 2 years old. On 4/5 I became the most
tenured and senior lead orderly in the canteen (Gen 39:23).
The most significant event that occurred over the past 100 days
was a spectacular faceplant on the track that has left me with a chipped tooth.
On Friday 4/7- Sunday 4/9 I was fasting for 40 hours to acknowledge and thank
Jesus for his obedience and triumphal entry on Palm Sunday that begins the story
of Passion Week. My blood sugar level had dropped severely by Sunday morning.
My meager breakfast and small lunch started to make me feel better. In my overconfidence
I decided to go on a 3-mile run. During the 2nd mile I lost my focus,
tripped, and did a full superman sliding faceplant, chipping one of my front incisors.
About 5 seconds later my name was announced over the speaker
system for an unexpected visit from my best friend. I was so hurt, disillusioned,
and angry at the Lord for allowing this to happen. If my name had been
announced just 5 seconds earlier the incident could have been avoided. However,
it did knock some reasonableness into my mind (and realigned my tense and
offset jaw). I knew that running with low blood sugar was reckless but ignored
that inner voice. My anger quickly got redirected back on myself for not “obeying
without delay” (see day #1600), remembering that “Mama Joyce Meyer says that
learning to obey almost always brings pain before pleasure.
I have always been very pleased with my orthodontia. I’ve
always garnered compliments on my straight, bright white smile. For not having
braces they are relatively aligned and look nice. To me, this small chip on my
front tooth seems huge, and is a gigantic slap in the face from Satan: another
attempt to continue to further sap any modicum of peace that I can find on this
yard.
Wen I came across Prov. 25:19, that a broken tooth is like
reliance on the unfaithful in time of trouble, it helped me to make the
decision to cut all the final emotional, mental, and relational expectations
that I have had the family and friends on the outside could, or would, help me.
My former wife abandoned me in a final act of submission does not communicate
with me. My parents make the choice not to visit. I cannot find anyone to help
me expose the lies and liars (and win support) by blogging for me and setting
up a Go-Find-Me page to help pay for my past and future legal expenses.
I am thankful for each infrequent letter, cared, email and
visit I receive. I am grateful for each deposit that shows on my “books”.
However, I have set aside all my expectations that my Federal Appeal would
finally be answered. ‘ve given up on getting out and have made a decision to
accept DOC custody as my home and mission field for the next 13 years. I’ve
accepted the reality that to my large extended family and to my former church and
community, that I am no a non-person, not worthy of a letter or an email. I no
longer have any reliance o, or expectations of, the people from my former
existence to keep me tethered to my life before the lies. (Gen 39:17-20)
Another verse, or theme of verses, that has popped up
repeatedly in devotionals, books and the TV ministries that I pay attention to
is Psalms 91:2-9, “The Lord is my refuge, no harm shall approach me, no
disaster shall overtake me, and angels are set in place to guard me.” The
repeated promises by David that the Lord is a refuge are encouraging.
David proclaims that the Lord is a refuge, a stronghold in
time of trouble (Ps 9:9; 46:1); that [liars] frustrate the plans of the
[innocent], but the Lord is their refuge (Ps 14:5). While on the run because of
the lies and perjury of his own prodigal Absalom, David proclaims to the Lord “you
are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living, set me free from this
prison (71:7; 142:45). I declare in agreement with David, that “my salvation
and honor depend on God my rock and refuge. Have mercy on me, my God, for in
you I take refuge (Ps 6:7; 57:1). Set me free from this prison!”
I still must be very mindful that God is in control
and sometimes uses people’s ill intent to get you into His will for your life
(Bevere p.275). In his book Driven by Destiny, John Bevere urges us not to
resist the very things God allows us to live through in order to strengthen us
in our calling (p. 232). My chipped tooth is a visual reminder that I can’t
base my hope, faith, or trust on the reliance of even the people I love and
they very few I know love me, think about me, visit me, and pray for me; but
only upon Jesus Christ.
This jagged crag in my smile serves as a reminder on day
#1700 that it is the Lord, and Him alone, that is my refuge and the only one I
can place all my reliance upon.
