If you set on the shelf the rest of your life, you’ll never
find out—Woody
I have now been unjustly incarcerated for 2600 days. Of
significance over the past 100 days I have filed a new motion for Post-Conviction
Relief (7/30). I have endured another hot and humid summer without an air
conditioner, as well as rolling brawls (8/21). I began my 12th
Addicts of the Cross group (7/1). I have dealt with the emotions revealed at the
news of my father’s stroke (8/25). I have set memorial stones to remind me to
reflect the Son (8/31). I have had to # Eat the Watermelon and Wear the Shirt1
as I acknowledged my 7th year of being illegally and unjustly
convicted (9/1).
Most importantly over these past 100 days, the Lord
continues to call me into service and discipleship making through facilitating
a weekly recovery group. Many of these men that are in recovery have come to
believe that they are trash2. And that trash is all that they can
aspire to become. Much like Forky they often believe that they are not important
or valued: that they are indeed used up and “useless. Like their purpose has
been filled” and prison is the garbage heap where their peregrinations have
landed them. So, why aspire to change to be something better?
Change, and the desire to change, can be difficult and
scary.3 The summer blockbuster, Toy Story 4, is full of characters
who are experiencing change. Bonnie is growing older and moving on to
kindergarten. Woody finds that his role in her life is diminished; leaving him
questioning his own current purpose.4 Forky struggles to understand
the nature of his own creation, throwing him into an existential crisis. 5
Bo Peeps’s new street-wise insights and determination help Duke to “be who you
are right now” by encouraging him to see his uniqueness as a strength, to
embrace it, and to be proud of it.6
This new Disney flick delivers a sense of redemption and
closure for its characters. It reminds us that certain roads in life take longer
to travel than others. It reminds me of my NO DICE Proverbs 16:33 Bible
admonition that we may believe that we can roll the dice to make a choice, but
it is the Lord who established the road.7
Many people, many followers of Christ, are reluctant to move
forward down the road of change. They are much more comfortable reminiscing about,
longing for, and missing their past. Unlike Lil NasX encouraged us this summer,
sometimes you can’t, you shouldn’t, “take your horse to the old town road.”8
We also shouldn’t just wait for life to happen around us or to us. But can a
life that has seemingly been created out of garbage, or wound up in a tartaroo
heep, really be re-purposed to serve a greater cause?9
It is through my time in Oklahoma’s trash heap of criminal
justice and mass incarceration, that I have learned to identify with so many of
the struggles that our favorite Toy Story characters are maturing through,
since they first appeared in our lives in 1995. I can especially identify with
the new street-wise Bo Peep. She has become a rough and tumble adventurer who
shows that life extends beyond a child’s toy box. My past seven years have shown
me that my once non-descript, safe, white-privilege life now extends far beyond
the false sense of security offered by prefabricated Laodician10
walls and into the often strange, sometimes scary, and mostly mysterious world
of trusting the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit.
Like Buzz Lightyear, I have spent a lot of time the past
seven years listening to and evaluating my inner dialogue. I have had to delete
several old prerecorded “churchy” clichés and satanically implanted self-destructive
thoughts. I have spent many of the past 2600 days being reprogrammed to reflect
the Son in his character, conduct, conscience, and conversation; to reflect God’s
thoughts, God’s encouragement, and God’s words.11
Unlike Lil Nas X’s assertion over the past 100 days that “can’t
nobody tell me nothin’”, I have grown to be dependent upon the Holy Spirit’s
promptings that keep me securely stirrupped onto this carceral horse that I am
saddled upon. Currently, I am listening and learning to sow compassion without
judgement, much like the Toy Story gang did with Gabby Gabby.
“Love your enemies”, Jesus says, “do good to those who love
you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”12
These challenging words aren’t meant to excuse evil or stop justice from being
pursued. Instead, they call us to imitate God (v.36) by asking a profound
question: How can I help my enemy (even those who have testified in full blown
perjury about events that never happened) become all God wants him or her to
be?13
Woody epitomizes this notion when he encourages Gabby Gabby
to fulfill her purpose despite her own perceived disability and evil intentions.
Despite trying to harm our hero, Woody explains to her that she was created to
serve: to bring joy to a child. Woody helps her find a way to fulfill her
created purpose, and in so doing, he discovers his renewed purpose as well.
I can empathize with Woody. He had been rejected and
abandoned by his kids. He had been set aside, rarely played with, thought
about, or acknowledged by the two children he loved the most. I understand this
so well. However, he still has Bonnie’s best interest at heart. His deepest
desire is for her continued happiness.
I daily pray for the Bonnie’s in my life: still praying for
their redemption, restoration, and our eventual reconciliation. I’ve been
listening to my inner voice box to show compassion without judgement. I
continually pray for my Bonnie’s redemption as I turn him over to my Lord’s
care and concern.
I am also focused on listening to what the Holy Spirit is
revealing to me about my new purposes; not just once He frees me, but behind
these double rows of concertina topped walls as well. Whether that is as an
advocate for further criminal justice reform, being a substance abuse recovery
counselor, or some other yet unrevealed task, I am preparing my mind for that
time. I do not know what new and exciting ministry that the Lord has in store
for my future. However, one thing I do know for certain is that once I am
exonerated, if I go into a life of obscurity and set on a shelf, I’ll never
find out.14
Not only will I never find out, but my time in prison will
have been an act of futility.15 I am beyond ready to get off of this
shelf of incarceration, hop on my horse, and head off down to the new town
roads16: To get off the shelf and to be a disciple, to make
disciples, and mature disciples in whatever way the Lord calls me into a new
purpose.
1.
Day #2557
2.
Rm 8:1; Ps 32:3-5; 2 Peter 2:4
3.
Ps 143:10; Prov 3:5-6; 1 Peter 1:11-17; Mt.
12:43-45; 1 John 3:9; 1 Cor 13:9-12
4.
Gal 6:1-2; Rm 8:28
5.
Eph 1:11
6.
1 Thes. 5:12-28; Day #2500; PDL Day #13 p. 105 Sacred
Pathways
7.
Prov 16:9; Day #300
8.
Lk 4:14-30
9.
2 Peter 2:4, 9-10 G5020
10.
Rev 3:14-22; Day #400
11.
IS 30:26; Prov 27:19 (days #2500, #2557)
12.
Luke 6:27-28
13.
Sheridan Vosey from 8/20/19 Daily Bread
14.
PDL Day #34; Luke 2:49; 2 Cor 5:18-20
15.
Acts 20:22-24
16.
Mark 16:15; Ps 67:2
