Happy Father's Day to two of the best Dads that I know:
Especially to my best friend, and one true brother, who believes in me and has unwaveringly stood by me these past 3579 days. You are a tremendous father. As a newly minted grandfather you are certainly on the path to perpetuating a continued legacy of faith in Jesus. These past twelve years have been immeasurably less difficult because of your ministry to me. God has a special crown for those who minister to those who have been treated unjustly. And to my own father. Recently in our Celebrate Recovery® curricula we tackled lesson number three: HOPE. One of the step study questions in this lesson is "how are your feelings for your heavenly Father and your earthly father alike? How are they different?" Unfortunately, for many of the men I have worked with in recovery, their father was absent from their lives. It is a rarity to hear positive stories from my inmate contemporaries whom had one positive male role model, much less two fantastic grandfathers to boot. So, when I talk about my earthly father, I almost sound like I am telling a fairy tale.Traditionally my earthly father never gave us directives, direct instructions, nor direct answers. He was willing to allow us to be our own person, within limits. He was the guide on the side. He acknowledged our successes, without much fanfare, sans attaining our B.S.A. Eagle Rank. He allowed for failure to occur, but was then available to figure out different remedies or solutions. There was never pressure to follow in his direct footsteps, just a gentle encouragement to walk in the same direction. There are many other correlatives between the two.
Felicitously, every time I share in "group" I always talk about how the values taught in Boy Scouting were key to my father's instruction to me and my brothers. He never, ever, talked about religion, politics, sex, or his time in Vietnam. He never told us not to drink or not to do drugs. He's never prayed with me. He's rarely used the words "I love you" or "I am proud of you", yet it somehow exuded from him: you just knew that he was. Growing up there was not a list of rules or "Thou Shalt Nots". Whether intentional or not (probably not) he was very good at subtly using positive reinforcement to mold us. However, he did purposefully and intentionally teach me the importance of being physically strong, mentally awake, morally straight, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. These are still my guiding tenets to this day.
Even though my dad had high expectations, he was never too overbearing. We only ever had one heated (almost physical) argument (and it never would have crossed my mind to create a weaponized lie to seek vengeance upon him). He never drank. He never did any drug harder than caffeine. He quickly gave up smoking after my birth. He went to work everyday without complaint. He never missed church (unless it was a camping weekend). He never missed a Monday night Scout meeting. When he was hit by a car while riding his bicycle to work, struggled with IBS, then surgery, temporarily wearing a colostomy bag, recovering from heart attacks, and then a stroke he rarely complained and continued to endure. He has always kept calm and carried on.
Laboriously my dad always found a way to ensure there were finances to go camping every month, go to Philmont every other year, attend National Jamborees, to go swimming all summer at the neighborhood pool, and participate in whatever school activities we choose. We never had a lack of food. The electricity and water were never turned off. And at the time, as children, we never knew how hard he had to work to make all of that happen. It is only in hindsight that you realize what feats of accomplishments these were.
Tremulously, when my life initially turned upside down on April 27, 2010 and then again on May 5, 2010, my Dad automatically was right beside me: I never had to ask. He refused to allow me to set in jail because the expense for bail was out of my reach. He never had to ask if there was any shred of truth to the weaponized false allegations against me. He knew the person he raised. He never missed a hearing or a day of my trial. During my first six months in Tulsa County his regular visits kept me strong and sane. I would set before him behind the invisible pane of that painful barrier and weep and shake. And he never complained, yet I know how much he hurt for me. He would offer encouragement to be strong and endure. He never shed a tear, that I saw, but I am certain that he went to his car and did, because that is what I would have done seeing my son incarcerated.
So, I wish you a heartfelt Happy Father's Day and a sincere "I love you" to my earthly father, and a Holy Thank You to my Heavenly Father for making him my Dad.
