Abigail Zwerner

 Virginia first grade teacher Abigail Zwerner was shot in her classroom on Friday, January 6th by her six year old [special needs] student (1)(see Endnotes for a report filed on 1-26-23 by Reuter's reporter Clifford Tyler).

As this story continues to play out in the news I cannot help but see the parallels in very similar events that initiated the circumstances that led to me eventually being arrested and then prosecuted(2). In October 2009, while I was an administrator at Skelly Elementary in Tulsa, Oklahoma we had our own six year old classroom terrorist, Jaylynn Hilley. Jaylynn was disrupting the learning environment in his first grade classroom almost daily. His white female teacher, Brooke Rowland was at her wits end just 7 weeks in to the new school year. Jaylynn would scream and yell in class. He would knock over furniture and up end supply tubs. He eventually began stabbing the others students with sharpened pencils or slicing at them with opened scissors. In prison we call those implements shanks. For the first few weeks of the school year Brooke Rowland attempted to deal with Jaylynn's behavior on her own. Eventually, she sought assistance from the school counselor, an older black female named Myrtha Mikel (http://ManassehEphraim.blogspot.com/myrtha-mikel-day-3338.HTML ). Myrtha's intervention strategies, whatever they were, resulted in Jaylynn being continued to return to the classroom to resume his reign of terror, blaming Brooke Rowland for not meeting his IEP needs and implied a bias against him because he was black. Jaylynn, a six year old black male, was a selective mute with a troubled past. At the time of his first grade tenure his mother, Jameka Kimble had a bench warrant out for her arrest, and his father, Tony Kimble was a convicted sex offender. Apparently, Myrtha had a familial relationship with one of Jaylynn's grandmothers. Myrtha refused to extract Jaylynn from the classroom, to place him in a more restrictive, albeit safer special needs classroom, or to recommend suspension. She continued to return him to the classroom over and over again to physically and emotionally terrorize the other students and his teacher. Eventually, when I was made aware of this situation and called in to provide the necessary contractual and union negotiated support due the educator, Jaylynn's behaviors had escalated to very dangerous levels. He was committing acts of physical violence against the teacher and other students. When I heard of the recent shooting of Abigail Zwerner by a six year old my thoughts immediately went to Brooke Rowland and Jaylynn and the day I had to extract him from the classroom. It was early to mid October 2009 (prior to Martha's weaponized email as this is the primary event that precipitated it). Brooke Rowland had called the Office declaring an emergency. I ran to her classroom. Jaylynn was holed up under a table, growling like a wolverine, with sharpened pencils and scissors in hand. This would be our first face-to-face interaction due to disciplinary action being required. He almost immediately responded to my commands to release his weapons, come out from under the table, and we calmly walked to the Office. As we talked and he whispered his answers to me I learned about the painful "strap/lash" mark across his right side and back from the "spanking/belting" he received the day before. He had a deep purple bruise in the perfect shape of a belts tail end. You could see the awl holes where the buckle latch would secure in the strap. I learned that he did not like Brooke or Myrtha or principal Katherine Ackley. I surmised that he did not respond well to female authority figures, yet instantaneously responded to me. I then became Brooke Rowlands primary point of contact when intervention was necessary.

According to Martha's own testimony she stood at my opened office door as I counseled him and allowed him to cool down. Upon seeing the lash marks Jaylynn complained were hurting, I showed them Myrtha. I then turned Jaylynn over to Myrtha, at her request, so that she could make a DHS report. In the Abigail Zwerner circumstances it is reported that she could not get her administration to assist her........ .......I'm curious to know if that school includes its counselors as part of its administrative team. Myrtha had assumed a non-assigned administrative role at Skelly prior to my arrival in the fall of 2009. With my arrival, in her view, she was downgraded or demoted. In actuality, she was freed from her self-assumed admin responsibilities and released to do her contractual duties as a school counselor. She did not like this perceived usurping of her power base and acted accordingly. She was already on notice to stick to her assigned role. Yet, she persistently ran interference for Jaylynn keeping Brooke's concerns hidden from the administrative team until we were finally made aware of the situation by Brooke Rowland's mentor teacher. At that point Brooke began documenting Jaylynn's behavior on the school district's internal discipline tracking tool (named Power something-or-other). Once that documentation began, Myrtha was out of the loop and she could no longer intervene for Jaylynn's grandmother....... In the Abigail Zwerner circumstances it is reported that she could not get her administration to assist her........and was told to wait the situation out because the school day was almost over. Similarly, Brooke Rowland was encouraged by Myrtha Mikel to wait it out. However, once the situation hit my radar I took immediate action. I am all for "full inclusion" in the classroom and educating in the "least restrictive environment", however no one student should be allowed to hijack a classroom and certainly not terrorize the other child by screaming, threatening violence, and stabbing at them with shanks. When the documented circumstances of abuse and terrorism warranted me removing Jaylynn from the classroom and subsequently suspending him, Myrtha was not happy. She eventually drafted the "Karenesque" email in which she uses weaponized false allegations of abuse to attempt to remove me from the administrative team and my expulsion from "her" school. Eventually, at my August 2012 criminal trial, Myrtha admitted to lying and the jury acquitted me of that charge of abuse. Prior to my criminal trial, in July 2012, at my civil trial the Jaylynn Hilley family lost their case against me and TPS during the depositions phase due to the revelations of false allegations by Myrtha Mikel and Jaylynn's own testimony that he never said any form of abuse happened. Under advice of my TPS appointed counsel I had dropped my countersuit prior to the depositions with the intention of refiling them after a successful criminal outcome. In some lawyering that still stupifies me, since the depositions proved that I would most certainly win a civil case, TPS made a $25K settlement with the Jaylynn Hilley family if they would drop their lawsuit against me and TPS because, although TPS would win, the expenses involved in winning would well exceed that settlement amount. That money was put aside in a trust for Jaylynn to claim when he turns 18, which should be this year. I hope that Abigail Zwerner is able to sue for the compensation due her, but more importantly I hope that changes are made that empower classroom teachers and administrators to remove emotionally and mentally troubled students from the "general population" whom pose real threats to their contemporaries and their teachers. I hope that investments are made into actual special education real space (physical classrooms), virtual learning spaces and technology, special education instructors, counselors, and paraprofessionals who can support each special needs student's IEP.

_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=-_=- Endnotes 1. UPDATE 1-Virginia school warned before child shot teacher, lawyer says superintendent fired. By Tyler Clifford Jan 25 (Reuters) - Authorities at a Virginia school were warned three times that a first grader had a gun before he shot and wounded his teacher, her lawyer said on Wednesday, while the school board voted to oust the superintendent. Abigail Zwerner, 25, was "shot purposely" in front of other students at Richneck Elementary School in Newport News earlier this month after administrators ignored warnings the 6-year-old student posed a threat, lawyer Diane Toscano said at a press conference. The warnings were made over three hours on the day of the shooting, according to Toscano, who said she planned to file a lawsuit against the Newport News School District on behalf of Zwerner. "This tragedy was entirely preventable if the school administrator responsible for school safety had done their part and taken action when they had knowledge of imminent danger," said Toscano. She did not say what damages she would seek on behalf of the teacher, who was wounded in the chest. At a special meeting Wednesday evening, the school board voted 5-to-1 to relieve Superintendent George Parker of his duties with severance. Parker came under pressure after saying that at least one administrator was aware the boy may have had a gun on the day of the shooting. After the vote, Chairwoman Lisa Surles-Law said the decision to terminate was made without cause as defined in Parker's contract. "Dr. Parker is a capable division leader who has served Newport News for nearly five years through some extremely challenging circumstances," she said. "This decision is based on the future trajectory and needs of our school division." Zwerner was the first to tell a school administrator on the morning of Jan. 6 that the student threatened to beat up another child, but the boy was not removed from class, according to Toscano. The administrator was not named. In the afternoon, a second teacher who suspected the boy had a weapon did not find a gun when she searched his book bag. She then told the same administrator that she believed the boy had put the gun in his pocket before going to recess, the lawyer said. Toscano said another student told a third teacher that the boy showed him a gun during recess and threatened to shoot him if he told anyone. The teacher reported the account to school administrators, she said. A fourth employee who learned of the threat asked for permission to search the boy, but was denied by the same school safety administrator, the lawyer said. "He was told to wait the situation out because the school day was almost over. Tragically, almost an hour later, violence struck Richneck Elementary School," Toscano said. Police plan to present findings from an investigation to the commonwealth's attorney in Newport News, who would make any decision regarding possible charges against the boy's mother. 2. This are my recollections 13.25 years later.

In the Midst of the Heat

    Dear friends and family, the past one hundred days have once again proven to be very unique. After completing my first of two sentences on November 10, 2022, I was paroled to lower security. On December 2, 2022, I was moved to the Jess Dunn minimum security facility. The Dunn facility has been nicknamed Hogwarts because of the shape and structure of the main building, its parapets, and its steep roofline. Its many breezeways ever changing gate configurations, like the Hogwart's stairwells, mean that you never know when you'll be locked out of one area and will have to walk the quarter mile around the outside of the castle to an alternate area of ingress/egress, only to discover the walls have moved again.

    Undoubtedly, I knew that at the minimum facility I'd be moving into the living arrangements would be a dormitory, or barracks, type arrangement. I was not looking forward to giving up a two man cell after 9 years. All I could picture was Crabtree's Unit 4W and the third world din of iniquity that it was. That dorm reminded me of a Nicaraguan or Hong Kong night/street market. Plastic tarpaulins were draped from the high concrete I-beams to divert the leaking water away from the bunk beds. Sheets were hung to segment the pod into private enclaves. There were tattoo parlors and areas designated for sexual activity. Meth, K2, bath salts, and phones were available at various kiosks at competing rates of exchange. However, I suppose I have become so accustomed to living with this element of humanity for so long now that these behaviors, their smoking/mething/loudness, are just so commonplace that it is now perceived as normal or at least not as shocking. You don't often hear many good things about minimum yards, I really didn't want to move, but I've been trusting King Jesus and His 663423 "No Dice" admonition to "Follow His compass and not my clock", remembering that, "while we may roll the dice He orders our steps"(1). And so far that trust has been well placed. I can't tell if King Jesus has made prison easier, or if He has made me stronger. I suspect that it is the latter. I am continually reminded by the Holy Spirit, and other's testimonies, that if I hadn't stayed close to God, I don't know that I'd have made it through.     Counseling, face-to-face real therapy, during my incarceral journey would prove to be an asset, if not essential, to determine how I've grown. I appreciate the Holy Spirit as my comforter and counselor, but I wish that there had been an opportunity to have had some outside tangible resource to touch base with every so often who could have tracked my psychological, mental, and spiritual development over the past 543 weeks. It is one of the reasons that I have journaled everyday and arranged for these Reflections to be posted. I wonder how much I have changed just based on my incarceration (as opposed to the changes in my personality and cognitions due to the weaponized false allegations, the #metoo movement, and the seed change in our National pulse caused by the fallout from the homicide of George Floyd and Donald Trump presidency/insurrection. I know that those events absolutely changed me, regardless of my incarceration and living conditions.)? How has my warehousing changed me? I have always been one to thrive on constructive feedback, yet this place offers none. No positive feedback or interventions, only after thoughts and consequences for negative behavior. No state financed rehabilitation. No state financed therapy or counseling to promote healthy change. It is a shame that there is no substantive mental health intervention services to help promote true change in the lives of those whom are incarcerated. The easiest and most used mediation strategies used by DOC are to medicate to sedate those who struggle with the worst mental health emergencies. I often wonder what version of me will eventually be released from these fences.

    Housing in a dormitory/barracks style living situation with 250 men on the third floor of Hogwarts, sharing 10 toilets, 8 showers, 4 washing machines, and 3 microwaves (if they are all working) is often physically and psychologically challenging. For the most part everyone is considerate of one another, almost excessively polite. However, there is a certain distinct element that are self obsessed, ego centric, and do not take anyone else's feelings, personal/air space, or boundaries into consideration. They disrupt the ascetics of dormitory living. They exhale smoke all day long in the common areas, play their specific stereotypical racially self degrading music loudly, use the n-word with abandon, and are in general annoying. I can see how someone would become very prejudice against a segment of the populace whom are so self focused, self absorbed, and self centered(2). And I hate that I see myself able to identify with those whom I have always viewed as prejudicial......and then there are the millinials..... Both of these groups seem singularly focused on scoring their daily tobacco/marijuana hits. I've been binding and rebuking and binding and rebuking. Recently, I've noticed that the smoking has moved to the restrooms, which is progress. As the CO's walk past the restrooms, they holler out to "open a window" rather than try to stop it. I suppose that even they recognize that stoned chattle are easier to herd.     Essentially, dormitory living reminds me of the way Christ called us to live as his followers. It is fundamentally the essence of the Lord's call to community. Does it have its drawbacks? Absolutely! However, even while warehoused, there is something unique about living among, living with, other people who are so different from yourself and the compromises and negotiations necessary to create harmonious living conditions. It reminds me of the challenges Jesus' disciples went through when they were becoming accustomed to one another as depicted in The Chosen miniseries. One thing that I can see positive over the past two months is that by just being forced to live, sleep, shower, poop and interact with the 84 men in my section of the dorm on a daily basis has made me feel less isolated and, weirdly, less alone. While I miss being in a cell, being able to close my door and shut the yard out with just one other man to have to be accountable too, I believe that that behavior was contributing to my feelings of isolation. I only intentionally interact with about 6 other men right now(3), but just the daily greetings, nods, polite smiles, and eye contact with those four dozen or so men whom directly surround me, in extremely close proximity, are somehow life affirming and shed the facade of being alone. Daily eye contact and polite smiles, smizing as Tyra Banks coined it, make a world of difference. The synergy of being so closely surrounded by the energy of other people, whether I like it or not, whether I like them or not, whether I agree with their lifestyle and life choices or not, whether we interact a lot or not, reminds me of being at church(4), or at summer camp, or at a men's retreat, or on a mission trip, or at small group, or at school/work, or anywhere/anytime that people have to pull together for a common goal/cause/enemy. In this case the common goal being to get to that "out date", the common enemy the DOC and it's blue shirted security and staff. The security and staff may not be anywhere near as bad as King Darius, and in fact my interactions with staff here, so far, have proven them to be professional, thoughtful and compassionate in general, but they still represent our enslavers and captors. In his book This Life, Quantas Conquest says something to the effect of "Once you've been in the fire so long you get used to the heat. Once you get used to the heat you start living." I'm blessed to proclaim that, with the unseen fourth man's help (5), I am living while in the midst of the heat.

    Nevertheless, living in, or with, any heat was impossible for three freezing cold days in December. Oklahoma experienced an Arctic blast on 12/22-23. It became bitterly cold, with negative wind chills. This old energy inefficient building is a joke. The archaic and impractical windows are broken, cracked, and have many missing panes. The various gaps and holes in the framing and voids are filled with clear packing tape, cardboard from cracker boxes, trash bags, and toilet paper mixed with toothpaste. There was a steady breeze blowing in through the third floor for over 72 hours as the arctic front stormed through. We were all dressed in layers, if you were blessed enough to afford them, then also walking around with towels and blankets wrapped around ourselves just to stay warm. The furnace was unable to compensate for the weather. I was reminded of the wintertime episodes of M.A.S.H. where this type of bitter cold is often portrayed on the Korean peninsula. Eventually, the quartermaster handed out thick overalls to those who had not had the ability to purchase thermals or sweatshirts. Just before nightfall on day two of the sub-Arctic blast thick sheets of styrofoam were placed against the windows to provide some weak facsimile of an insulation/breeze barrier from the subzero windchill. By Christmas the sub arctic surge of cold began to abate.     Naughty or nice, on Christmas I usually try to bless others, especially those whom I know are indigent and never go to canteen. For my first eight Christmases I folded origami boxes, wrote scripture on them, filled them with candy or cookies, and left them on the recipient's bunk. Last Christmas I had only been at Granite for a week, so I just made cheesecake bites to share with my pod. As I had only been at Jess Dunn for only three weeks, and the "newb" on the unit, I really did not know anyone. After praying about what to do I set out four racks of a very generic chocolate creme cookie and two "yellow bags" of Keefe coffee on my locker box with a note wishing my fellow incarcerates a Merry Christmas and inviting men to have a couple of cookies and a shot of coffee. I was amazed at how many men were apprehensive, asking if the offer was for real and/or what the hitch was. I guess genuine acts of kindness are still suspect by those who have lived a lifetime of being emotionally and physically hurt and neglected (and I can attest to the fact that most of the men that I am incarcerated with carry deep, deep wounds and thick scars from childhood neglect and abuse as well as suffering from moral prejudices by Oklahoma state legislators, state attorneys, and state judges that are apathetic to any non-white non-pew sitter, anyone whom suffers from a mental health condition, or any man whom, as a child, couldn't set still in a classroom desk filling out worksheet after worksheet after worksheet - but that is another discussion for another post). Eventually, most everyone enjoyed the gift, and many said to me over the course of the weekend how much that small genuine act of human kindness meant to them.     Eventually, I found myself needing a haircut. The official orderly run rec-room barber shop here is rather ghetto and seems to be run by, and for, black folks exclusively. On the hush-hush I was told that I needed to go to the boiler plant and quietly ask for the hair cut guy. I followed the directions, used the secret incantation, and found the room of requirement. Imagine my surprise when the barber who came out to greet me was a strong ally from Crabtree. He was a participant in the first Addicts At The Cross class I conducted at Crabtree almost 7 years ago. He is still sober and is a drummer on the Jess Dunn praise team! Praise God. We enjoyed catching up and I received a great haircut, although, as usual, my many cowlicks threw him for a loop, and he trimmed them too short. But hey, I'm blessed to have a full head of hair and those cowlicks will grow back out soon enough.

    Serendipitously I was also blessed to fall in with a couple of youngsters and their workout routine. They have not taken it easy on me despite my age(6). I continue to grow leaner and stronger. While I enjoy running on my own, for some reason I lack the desire to workout on my own. An old African proverbs says, "to run faster, run alone. To run further, run with another." I definitely need an accountability partner to encourage me and push me through a workout. I'll be on the lookout for a CrossFit group upon my release. Hooking up with these two youngsters can only be through the leading of the Holy Spirit. They have all the outward appearance of Irish Mob affiliates, but are actually well intentioned Christians whom are new in their sobriety and their faith, are considerate, and looking to stay out of trouble. The Lord has always had a way of bringing the right people at the right time across my path, and I am certain it has worked vise versa for them. Just a few days ago one of their grandmothers passed and I have been able to minister to him just by listening to his stories about his grandmother and distract his urge to relapse by doubling up on our workouts. I really want to move in the direction of being a professional or lay counselor/life coach upon my release! I wish I could finish up that Masters in Substance Abuse Counseling from this side of the fences. I could easily "work" for another 25 years in this profession upon my release.     My dear friends, it's been 3800 days since my conviction, 4844 since Myrtha's original lie, but I continue to cling to the hope, the many promises of the Word, that lies and liars will be exposed and that the truth will be revealed. Something I've never understood these past 3800 days is why the Jaylynn Hilley family never filed a civil suit against Myrtha Mikel after she admitted at trial to manipulating that family to falsely accuse me of abuse for her own benefit, and then the jury acquitted me. I've never understood why Kimberly and Monica never filed a civil suit against Myrtha and Bella Mendoza after Bella admitted at trial to filing a falsified police report based on Martha's urging. That false report that Bella conspired with Myrtha to file (again as they admitted to at trial) was the basis for an investigation and my eventual arrest. Kimberly and Monica should have sued Myrtha and Bella for the duress their lies caused to them.     I don't understand why my son, now that he is 3800 days older (he'll be 31 in April) and finally has a "fully formed adult brain" (7), doesn't admit to his maligned, manipulated, and marionetted perjury and file a civil suit against the Tulsa County District Attorney's Office for the way they used him to their advantage. I described my feelings about him in my Christmas posting as I compared the betrayal of my son to the betrayal Obi-wan had to have felt from Aniken. I guess it's easier for Brandon to commit identity theft and credit card fraud against me for financial gain than to admit the truth, risk the consequences for finally admitting the truth, but also possibly finding compassion from a Grand Jury as well as financial compensation judgement in his behalf for the way the ADA's manipulated his "undeveloped brain" as an 18-year-old. Retired TPD detective Diana Baumann and ADA's Jake Cain, Sarah McAmis, and Amanda Self took advantage of his "immature, more vulnerable, brain development knowing that he was amenable [to committing perjury on their behalf because in April 2019 he was still irate with his mother and me for not financially supporting him,] thereby making him less culpable and [more] blameworthy than themselves," (8) for the crime of false persecution that Baumann, Cain, McAmis, and Self committed against me, against us. 3800 days later, now that Tulsa County DA Kunswieler has been the recipient of a child's misplaced anger, maybe his understanding of my son's "Karen-esque" behavior isn't so mysterious or unfathomable (9).

    Laughter, smiling, running, reading Star Wars canon, attending Celebrate Recovery® (10), staying in the Word, playing Scrabble (11), and working out have been the habits that have helped me endure these past 100 days (Day #3700 was Tuesday, October 18, 2022). A recent Something You Should Know podcast advocates that making yourself smile, especially mimicking a Duchenne smile, can trigger positive feelings and release calming neurotransmitters. A Duchenne smile is the one that reaches up to your eyes, making the corners wrinkle up with crow's feet. It's the smile most of us recognize as the most authentic expression of happiness. Non-Duchenne smiles shouldn't necessarily be considered fake, however. A more accurate way of describing them might be polite. Adding a sustained smiling action to my daily workouts, meditations, and calming/centering mantras has helped me remain peaceful over the past 100 days. I still get frustrated while working out and don't see all of the results I want, miss an obvious letter combination in a game of Scrabble, or have to contend with Environmental Tobacco Smoke, but powering through with a smile on my face proves my strength of character, mind, and body.     Ecclesiastic 7:3 says that "frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." I struggle to understand King Solomon's reasoning here, and attribute his backwards admonition to his anxiety, depression, and poor mental health. The priestly blessing in Numbers 6:24 asks for the Lord to smile upon His people and bring them peace. In the book of Job, Job's friend Bildad encourages him by recalling that God does not reject one who is blameless nor strengthen the hands of the evildoers, [but] that He will put a smile on your face and fill your mouth with shouts of joy. I wish I had a Bildadian therapist, a face-to-face friend along my incarceral journey who would have felt free to speak up and counsel me when he saw things go awry or confirm when I was on the right path. But in prison that is a rare relationship to forge. Being openly authentic requires a kind of trust that has the potential to be weaponized against you. Most incarcerated men value their privacy, independence and ability to do what they want, when they want, including their own self destruction. I appreciate the Holy Spirit as my comforter and counselor, but I wish that there had been an opportunity to have had some non-partisan tangible resource to touch base with every so often who could have tracked my psychological, mental, and spiritual development over the past 543 weeks. How has my warehousing changed me? What version of me will eventually emerge from this experience? The version of me that the Lord knew that I would become because of what He has allowed in my life (12). The version of me that more accurately reflects the character, conduct, and conversation of my King Jesus (13). The version of me that will march out of these fences and living in the midst of the heat with a smile on my face as I allow King Jesus to use me to His glory and for my good (14).

Endnotes 1. Read Day # 300 NO DICE on 6-27-2013 Proverbs 16:33 People may roll dice to make a decision, but the Lord determines what will happen. 2. I have never been consciously prejudice, stereotyped, or had racist tendencies. In fact, I abhor those behaviors. I descend from Cherokee and Choctaw heritage. I also have a grandmother of some degree who was a slave to the Langston's of Missouri. I acknowledge my white privilege, make no apologies for it, and do not suffer white guilt. I have a few ancestors who were slave owners and fought for the Confederacy. I have many, many more who fought for the Union, were abolutionist and fought for civil rights for all. I acknowledge that this country was built in part on the backs of imported black African slaves (and Chinese immigrants) who were often forced to work as chattle for little to no pay or under threat of death. There is racial and racially based socioeconomic factors still in play in our county, and especially in Oklahoma. In fact, I left my family church in part because of its lack of diversity and a comment someone once made that non-white folks would not be welcomed. As an educator I welcomed and taught all students. I was one of TPS's first full inclusion teachers. I was the "Multicultural Fair" originator. My best friend and longtime co-teacher was black. Both of my children were raised to accept people of all cultures and backgrounds. We've traveled the globe. Both kids have dated non-whites. However, they say that there is nothing like prison to create a racist and promote racial division.....and I can see how and why.....and I have to be hyper conscious of it every day and to not fall into satan's trap. I have to remember not to ascribe the behaviors of a few immature folks to an entire populace. 3. I continue to play offence by not sharing too much about myself, yet. Heading the anecdote of the ten-year-old Leia Organa in Kenobi episode two when she says to Obi-wan, "They say that the less you say the less you give away, but really, it's the opposite," I continue to protect myself by not divulging personal information with too many men. I offer just enough to quell their curiosity without raising more questions. As a result, they make their judgements based on observation alone. The nicknames I have been bestowed so far are "Daper Dan", " hair gel", "clean cut", and " running guy". It's been speculated that I'm a lawyer or doctor or former military. While playing Scrabble recently I explained the pronunciation of a word by saying "the e on the end makes the middle vowel say its name" to which someone speculated that I was a teacher. I just smiled and diverted the conversation neither denying nor confirming. The true nature can't help but bleed through. We are called to live in community. In 24/7/365 community the masks fall away very quickly. The real you, the true authentic self, shows through over time. A "George Santos" would be ferreted out very quickly and would never find lasting purchase, definitely not be given an appointment or position of honor, and would never be trusted. In fact, it is those who honestly share their hurts, habits, and hangups and their struggle to overcome them that most often are looked upon the most favorably.

4. Romans chapters 14 and 15 5. Daniel 3:24 6. After 20+ years of taking Lisinopril for high blood poressure, the doctor at Granite switched me to Losartan. I began taking it on the day I moved to Dunn. Over the past 7 weeks my blood pressure has gone from the high 140s/70s to the high 180s low 190s/80s 90s. It is still an unresolved issue. 7. Shakira currently sings don't get revenge, get rich. One day Brandon will acknowledge that he was used by others to achieve their own failed political goals. When that day comes, I hope he seeks compensation. It seems to me that if a post adolescent brain is not a fully formed adult brain, and that fact now factors into accepted testimony, even calling into question a juvenile defendant's intentions, then that same reasoning could be used to question my son's perjury and his motivations to lie as a 18-21 year old. 2007 Wis. L. Rev. 729 Wisconsin Law Review 2007 Comment POSTADOLESCENT BRAIN DEVELOPMENT: A DISCONNECT BETWEEN NEUROSCIENCE, EMERGING ADULTS, AND THE CORRECTIONS SYSTEM Melissa S. Caulum 8. New Eng. J. on Crim. and Civ. Confinement 347 New England Journal on Criminal and Civil Confinement Spring, 2013 Symposium Juveniles Are Different YOUTH MATTERS: THE MEANING OF MILLER FOR THEORY, RESEARCH, AND POLICY REGARDING DEVELOPMENTAL/LIFE-COURSE CRIMINOLOGY Alex R. Piqueroa1 Copyright (c) 2013 New England School of Law; Alex R. Piquer 9. If I could set down with Tulsa County District Attorney Steven Kunswieler for five minutes and have a betrayed father-to-betrayed father conversation I think that he would understand the parallels in the behavior of our emotionally wounded and compromised children. While his daughter grabbed a literal knife and stabbed him because of her misplaced anger towards him, my son used the figurative knife that Baumann, Cain, and McAmis placed in his hands, and he then rammed it through my back and deep into heart. It's been 14 years since Brandon's betrayal. If the same situation and circumstances were to be presented today to a jury, in light of the lies a "Karen" will tell to get her way, the #metoo movement, and Kunswieler's own attack by his child I am sure that the tipping point for the juror who voted against me would have been swayed my way and I would have been fully acquitted. Heck, the entirety of the weaponized false allegations against me would have completely fallen apart and the charges dismissed (as almost happened several times even prior to the preliminary hearing). I've met too many men who are incarcerated because weaponized false allegations of abuse claimed by an angry child or a vindictive spouse in Oklahoma, specifically in Tulsa County, are a sure way to get rid of or seek vengeances against, an unwanted father or husband. 10. The Lord remains up to something. In the few weeks that I have been here He has orchestrated circumstances where several men have poured out their heart to me, and neither of us know why. I just listen and reflect, and they walk away feeling better. I take it all as a confirmation of things to come upon my release in profession or ministry. Even today there is the real possibility of being able to facilitate a recovery group on my own over the next 100 days. 11. Playing Scrabble has been a good way to integrate into the unit. It's also been fun. I have not enjoyed playing a group game with other people in the 3 years since playing canasta at Crabtree. 12. Read Day #200 3-20-2013 13. Read Day #500 1-13-2014 and Day #600 4-23-2014 14. Read Day #1461 Year Four 9-1-2016 1 Peter 4:12 Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 5:10 After you have suffered a little while, God will restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. # Duchenne Smile

Happy New Year? You Bet!

 Happy New Year? You bet!

Another year has quickly come and gone like salts through a window woman. The quickest of my 54 years, thank you Jesus! Today marks 5002 days since my prodigal Absalom/Kylo Ren "ran away" (4-22-09) to live with his palpatinian adopted maternal grandmother to escape the responsibilities and adulting that his mother and I were expecting out of our seventeen year old son. Today marks 4919 days since Myrtha Mikel (http://ManassehEphraim.blogspot.com/myrtha-mikel-day-3338.HTML) crafted the original weaponized false allegation of abuse (that she eventually admitted to fabricating and that I was eventually acquitted of) that resulted in my prodigal son being goaded into agreeing with disgraced retired TPD detective Diana Baumann as well as District Attorney Tim Harris and his minions Jake Cain, Sara McAmis, and Amanda Self to commit perjury for them in order to bolster the case they quickly realized that they would loose because they were duped by Myrtha. 5002 days since satan initially came against me. 5002 days King Jesus has fiercely protected and provided for me as this spiritual warfare rages around me. By the numbers this first day of the new year marks: 5004 days since I last spoke to, hugged, and ate with my son at his 17th birthday supper at Cheddars on 4-20-09 5002 days since Brandon "ran away" on 4-22-2009 4919 days since Myrtha's weaponized false allegation on 10-21-09 4623 days since my wrongful arrest on 5-5-10 3775 days since my unjust conviction on 9-1-12 3571 days since I last saw my daughter on 3-23-13 3197 days since I last spoke to my daughter on 4-1-14 2974 days since my divorce on 11-10-14 1293 days since my last card/email from my daughter on 6-17-19 2431 days until my release date, that is without any "love" coming my way. However, with the implementation of the Oklahoma Criminal Justice Reclassification Coordination Council's final report my consecutive Count 2 sentence has dropped to 75% from 85% and I fully expect that my two consecutive sentences will be retroactively "reclassified" to run as concurrent soon, resulting in my immanent release. Currently it has been 2 months month since my reclassification to lower security and 4 weeks since my move to a minimum security yard. I spent most of 2022 preparing for this move. I was not looking forward to barracks/dormitory living after having a cell for the past nine years. I lost 14 pounds and I began working out more vigorously, more often, to sculpt a buffer physical appearance. I remembered how wild the open dorms at Crabtree were. They truly were dins of inequity reminiscent of a tent city rampant with immaturity, meth, bath salts, K2, strife, racial division, tattoo stalls, and sex parlors. I needed to be ready to engage in some dogfight football, having just as strong as a defense ready as possible to augment my offence strategies. Unwaveringly, I trusted King Jesus and his plans for my minimum security move, but I knew I needed to be ready for whatever He was permitting me to step into. I have been so very grateful that He placed me at a calm, laid back facility. His timing has been more than serendipitous, I already see his purposefull hand at work. I attribute the relaxed atmosphere at the Jess Dunn warehousing facility to 1.) a strong faith community 2.) ample religious and educational programs 3.) the best food in my 10 years of warehousing with lots of fruit, fresh vegetables, as well as generous portion sizes 4.) 30+ television stations and a movie channel 5) staff, security, and unit officers that do their job well and are not goading, retaliatory, or out to play games 6.) the fact that everyone here has an "outdate", looks forward to going home, and does not want to add days to their sentence for misbehavior 7.) the reality that at any given moment over 50 percent of the incarcerated around me are stoned and/or zoned.

Following an honest moral inventory and reflection of the past 365 days, I believe that 2022 was a decent year for me, given the circumstances God has continued to allow me to be in. I have been covered under his pinions, a grateful recipient of His generous peace, protection, and provision. I do hate that I've been allowed to remain a victim of weaponized false allegations for a twelfth year in 2022. I hate that Ukrainians have been victims of Vladimir Putin in 2022. I hate that political refugees languish at our southern border in 2022. I hate that retrumplicanism continues to dupe so many folks in 2022. I hate that so many Christian Nationalists remain neurochemically addicted to the dopamine, epinephrine, and adrenaline hits/releases they get from Fox News and other conservative news outlets and then they think that that junkie high is some perverted form of patriotism or a move of the Holy Spirit, when really they are just experiencing the same physical and neurotransmitter effects that meth, a shot of whisky, porn, an orgasm, or slice of cheese cake have on an addicts brain. I hate that my both of children remain estranged from me in 2022. I hate that my brothers remain estranged from my parents in 2022. However, I trust in my King Jesus and the plans of his Father to work not only the events of 2022 out for our good and His glory, but of the past 5002 days as well. Full Stop: I hate that I remained incarcerated in 2022. Period. However, since my continued warehousing remained part of God's plans in 2022 I really tried to find His purpose for me. I believe that I found it at Granite through Celebrate Recovery®. I found it in my brotherhood with Ryan and David. I found it in helping others explore and write out their moral inventories. I found it in running and working out with my sober seeking fellow incarcerates. While I can't readily identify things I "loved" about 2022 as easily as I did the world and national events I hated in 2022, for me personally, the year was basically neutral, skewed towards the positive. I am so grateful for the health of my parents and their unwavering love, prayers and support. I am grateful for the continued health and prosperity of my two best friends and their unwavering love, prayers, as well as spiritual, emotional, and financial support. I am so thankful to my spiritual brother-in-Christ who worked so hard to draft my Commutation Application and whom keeps this avenue for Reflections alive. I am so glad that the first of my two consecutive sentences was completed. I am grateful for answered prayers for the beginnings of family reconciliation for my sister-in-Christ, for my continued good health, for this states newly elected Attorney General and reelected Governor, and for the smooth transition to this new yard and my integration into it. I am grateful for the Manasseh and Ephraim blessing. I am grateful that the Lord remains my refuge. I am grateful that it is by His stripes that I am healed. I hate that I'll remain incarcerated for any portion of 2023. Full stop. However, since my continued exile and warehousing have remained part of God's ordained plan I will really try to find my purpose here at the Jess Dunn storage facility. Once again I believe that I have found it through substance abuse recovery ministry. I look forward to seeing how the year plays itself out. I've signed up to be part of the teaching and mentoring program in the Religious Programs Department and have had a productive conversation with the education programs administrator about facilitating the college programing. I will remain true to my 2023 Core Value to be my authentic self and to not conform, or be cuffed, to the common element surrounding me, whether inside or outside of prison. Michael Todd of Life Transformation Church said that The Urban Dictionary defines connecting to relationships or things below their value because of loneliness and depression is termed cuffing.

No doubt many of my fellow incarcerates have intentionally cuffed themselves to the debased values that our state legislators assume we all ascribe to behind these fences. I continue to choose to remain uncuffed from the common behaviors that I see exhibited in the familiarity of the strangers I am surrounded by in this season of my life. In 2023 I will be cuffing with the Word and the Holy Spirit. My 2023 core values (aka New Years Resolutions) remain basically unchanged from the ones I published last year. What I have noticed upon reviewing my stated values from 2022 is that I've been provided with many more opportunities to exercise my Spiritual Gifts from God to teach/serve (Romans 12), from Christ to teach to equip (Ephesians 4), and from the Holy Spirit for faithful discernment (1 Corinthians). I have been especially grateful for the Holy Spirit gently teaching me how to really pay greater attention to his prompting and to take IMMEDIATE action without trying to talk myself into/out of his leading by either justifying, mystifying, or rationalizing what I believed I was hearing, feeling, or being lead to do (or not to do). God's Word has reminded me to keep my plans for 2023 highly flexible. Should He have me remain warehoused I will work towards facilitating in the various substance abuse and recovery ministries. I will pursue a job in the canteen or at the school. It would be great to be employed M-F full time again. I miss working (but not enough to go work in the kitchen). I will continue to run and workout everyday. Now that I see some sculpted abdominals popping through, I want to maintain them. I will continue in my daily Bible reading, devotional studies, and my open ended ongoing conversation with my King and Saviour. I will be grateful for the Manasseh and Ephraim blessing. I will be grateful that the Lord remains my refuge. I will be grateful that it is by His stripes that I am healed. If God allows this to be the year for truth to be known, justice carried out, and I find myself a freed man, then I will basically do the same, but on the outside of these fences. Prayerfully, my 2024 Reflection at this time will see me fully uncuffed, unchained, and unfenced celebrating my Commutation, and lauding the exposure of lies and liars and the revelations of the truth. God bless you, and me, in this new year! #cuffingseason 2023 Core Values 1. Love God, love others 2. 1190113 = Psalms 119:113 = Do Not Be Two Faced = have trust w/o worry, faith w/o doubt, hope w/o despair, show love w/o condition, give God glory w/o reservation, have peace w/o fear, joy w/o a roof, suffer w/o shame, serve w/o reserve, wait w/o fret, obey w/o delay, and show compassion w/o judgement. To be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight. 3. 663423 = No Dice = Proverbs 16:33 = to remember that humanity my roll the dice, but it is God that orders the steps. 4. To be my authentic self and to not conform, or be cuffed, to the common element surrounding me, whether inside or outside of prison. 5. To be continually forgiving 6. To exercise my gifts = from God (Rm.12) to teach/serve = from Christ (Eph 4) to teach to equip = from the Holy Spirit (1 Cor.) for faith discernment 7. To trust in my King Jesus, the Lord Jehovah Shalom, that justice, reconciliation, restoration of relationships, and restitution ARE in His will and ARE coming. 8. To daily declare that it is/was through His stripes that I am/was healed.