Happy Birthday MET

 Happy Birthday MET. Still praying for you and wishing the best for you. We'll catch up soon.

Happy 40th!

 Happy 40th!

Happy Birthday Friend

Happy Birthday to my best friend and true brother-in-Christ. I could not be doing as well as I think I am doing without you, without your prayers, and without your support. I would not want to have even tried to do this without you. Thank you and God bless you for always thinking the best about me.

I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. ~ Charles Horton Cooley (1902).

Happy Birthday CMcD

Happy 39th Birthday CMcD! May God continue to strengthen you in your faith and in your sobriety. Next year, El Chicos, my treat!

Father's Day

After a month of on again/off again State Wide Lockdowns, Facility Lockdowns, and Controlled Movements the yard has returned to some semblance of reliable scheduling.

One of the weekly events that has resumed is the viewing of season three of the beautifully interpreted, inspirationally acted, and creatively directed and produced series "The Chosen". If you are not watching the series I highly recommended it.

I was particularly struck to my core by episode three of season three (based on Luke 4) as a loving narrative was crafted between Jesus and Joseph. A heart warming conversation between father and son. I couldn't help but be moved as Joseph took his son onto his lap and told him how much he loved him, even though they both knew that he was not his biological dad. The young Jesus warmly embraced the man whom had raised him, and I couldn't help but think of my children. As I've noted on this blog several times, all I ever wanted was to be a good father. That was my ultimate goal in life. And I was. And I am! I hate how satan has been allowed by the God I revere as creator, king, and advocate to keep me separated from my children for so long. It's been 5169 days (14 years/4-22-09) since my son ran away and I last had any meaningful contact with him. It's been 3738 days since I last saw my daughter, 3764 since I last spoke to her, and today marks 4 years since her last email. I miss them both so much. In that same episode Jesus was also having to deal with the rejection of his brothers and hometown community. I sat there in the chapel with tears welling as the actor gave such compelling face to the pain, sadness, and sorrow Jesus felt as his friends and family turned away from him. Part of what makes my incarceration easier to bare is knowing that my crucified and resurrected King, Jesus, knows the deep heart wrenching pain of having weaponized false allegations levied against you. He has also had to endure the feelings of rejection and abandonment by those whom knew you best as they turn away from you, deny you, and then forget about you. It makes him all the more relatable to me knowing that He has personally lived out my pain. What follows is a sneak peak into my Jail Day #4000 Reflection: I am just realizing, or maybe I am just ready to admit, that I am OK. I am OK with commutation, or 6 more years in prison. I am OK with never having either of my children back into my life, or if Brandon mans up, tells the truth, and reestablishes a relationship with me. I am OK if my parents transition to the next phase of existence prior to my release, or if we get a few more years of freedom together. I am OK if I never have an emotional and/or physical relationship with a future life partner, or if I fall in love again. I am OK if I don't get to experience being a parent or grandparent again, or if God restores that dream and I get to be a patriarch. I'll be sad if the negative side of these events happen, but I'll be OK. I've known I'll be OK for a long time, years actually, but have hesitated admitting it and writing it down, because giving those thoughts the object permanence of ink on paper means that those thoughts becomes too real.

But I have a better understanding of Jesus' admonition that you have to be willing two walk away from the family, the job, and the finances that you were accustomed to and to create a new family and to be a useful servant (read Luke 14:26, Luke 8:19-21, Luke 12:53, Mark 10:29-20, Mark 3:32-35, Matthew 19:29, Matthew 10:35-37, Matthew 12:46-50). Jesus is recorded in Matthew 10:37-39 and Luke 14:26 as saying that anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Jesus says in Matthew 19:29 and Mark 10:29 that everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or employment for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. Matthew 12:46:50, Mark 3:32-35, and Luke 8:19-21 indicate that while Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, "your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you." He replied to them, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father is my brother and sister and mother." I am OK. I've been content, for some time now, to continually rebuild a "family" from the people I am forced to live with. I have accepted a "paternal", "old-timer", "old-g" role in prison. The Lord has arranged for me to cross paths with a few Millennials, whom I have practically adopted, to mentor and to support in their transition to a fuller sobriety. I love my adult children, biological and adopted. But they are adults. It's been 14 years since Brandon launched this drama. It's been 11 years of living in this alternate commune. And I am OK. I am looking forward to where this journey takes me realizing that I am being prepared and equipped for the next season of my life's journey, whatever that may be, where ever it may take me, and trusting Him to deliver me from the obstacles that will come my way. Watching The Chosen this week I couldn't help but be moved as Joseph took his son onto his lap and told him how much he loved him, even though they both knew that he was not his biological dad. The young Jesus warmly embraced the man whom had raised him, and I couldn't help but think of my children. At the end of the episode, after Jesus walked through the crowd of friends and family whom had turned on him, he went to visit the tomb of his adopted father. He went to remember the deep abiding love they shared and recall the lessons he had learned at his daddy's side. And then he went to be about his heavenly father's business. And I suppose that's where I find myself, ready for commutation, but more importantly to continue to be about my heavenly father's business where ever I am.

Instant Texts

Great news! You can now INSTANTLY text my tablet from your cell phone. Go to Securustech.net to sign up for free. The initial text must be sent from you to activate on my tablet. I look forward to hearing from you.

As always, I can receive pictures, videos, and email. You cash also purchase, and send to my tablet, "stamps" to be used to respond to your email as well as place money on my Securustech.net account to purchase movies, music, and subscribe to news feeds.