Christmas Day

 The wrong shall fail, the right prevail.....with peace on earth, goodwill towards men

Beatified does not begin to explain how I felt when I landed at the Jess Dunn warehousing facility on 12/2. One of the first things to catch my eye was a flyer on the wall advertising the six part Obi-wan Kenobi series being played in the chapel over three weeks in December. My heart soared. In the middle of this move, in the midst of my incarceration, in a lonely season of birthday and holiday longings, this was going to be such a blessing, a humongous blessing, just when I truly needed one. Eighteen months or so ago I began reading the Star Wars Legends and New Cannon novels to occupy myself during covid and in the absence of a job. Our tablets provide several podcaster reviews of the Disney+ SW series so that I have been able to stay relatively up to date with the current storylines. Now I have landed on a yard that has a chaplain that is a self professed Star Wars nerd. (Did you know that the Fed's and DOC recognize The Church of the Jedi as an officially sanctioned religious affiliation?) Neoclassic storytelling takes hold as the Obi-wan saga continues the tragic chronicling of a father figure being betrayed by the child that he raised. It is a story of a prodigal, a prophetic "chosen one", who believes the whispers of a demonic force and then he turns on the one who loves him most to embrace the promised riches of an evil influencer. It is the story of Adam betraying the Lord, of Absalom betraying David, of the Prodigal trying to take his father's wealth, of Lucifer usurping our Creator God. I know this plot line. I'm living out this story in real time. Karmically, just as Palpatine lied to Aniken about Padme's impending death (resulting in a self fulfilling prophesy because of her broken heart) in order to win Aniken's allegiance with the promise of knowledge, wealth, and power so too was my son lied to. His maternally adopted grandmother swayed him at seventeen years old to the dark side with the promises of a new F-150, free rent, an easy life, and freedom from the need to go through his own adulting. He could be a kidult forever. And all he had to do was perpetuate a deceit. All he had to do was agree to the weaponized false allegations levied by TPD detective Diana Baumann and Tulsa County Assistant District Attorneys Jake Cain and Sara McAmis. All he had to do was to be morally ambiguous and not own up to the personal ethics his mother and I tried to instill in him. Effronterly, Brandon deceived when he ran away from home. He deceived in the filing of a protective order because he was expected to accept adult responsibility for his adult choices and actions. He deceived at the end of his (4-22-2009 through 4-18-2010) guardianship when he sued his mother and me for future health care coverage, future college tuition, and future personal expenses. He deceived when he lost that suit and then he and his palpatinian grandmother threatened vengeance. He deceived when he agreed to the lies of District Attorney Tim Harris, Assistant District Attorneys Jake Cain, Sara McAmis, and Amanda Self, and the disgraced former detective Diana Baumann. He deceived when he committed perjury at trial because he wanted to do what it took "to win his mother back." He deceived when, as a twenty year old, he placed his hand on the Bible, swore an oath to God, then commenced to cry and blow snot bubbles on the stand before bolting out of the courtroom, only to be drug back in by Sara McAmis and forced to agree to her false narrative or face jail time for the perjury he committed at the preliminary hearing.

Naive and marionetted, Brandon became a puppet of the lord of darkness and his minions in the ADA's office. Although it was Palpatine's lie to Aniken that drove Aniken over the edge, there was already some darkness in Aniken's heart (a heart broken over the death of his mother). Similarly, although it was Annie Henderson's lies and financial promises to Brandon that drove my prodigal over to the dark side, there was already the innate darkness of the fallen Adam in Brandon's heart. Unlike Aniken however, Brandon CHOSE to abandon his mother and father to pursue his own financial gains, premature independence, and delayed adulting. As Obi-wan eschewed his padawn that "[his] need for victory blinded him. [His] need to prove himself was (and will be) [his] undoing," so too will be Brandon's downfall. Obdurately, I don't know how or when, if ever, my prodigal Aniken will repent of his deleterious deceit and own the responsibility for the evil he has wrought as a pawn of Satan, a pawn of his adopted maternal grandmother, and a pawn of Sara McAmis, Tim Harris, and Diana Baumann. However, I trust in my King Jesus' ability to defeat and then right this wrong when He decides that the time is right. It's the entire reason that Jesus was born, not of medicloriants, but of the Holy Spirit. He was birthed, lived, died, and was resurrected all to fulfill ancient prophesy, to allow the right to prevail, and to restore what is broken (read Wabi Sabi). Oh God, restore what is broken. As Tala encouraged Obi-wan, I too realize that, although there are "somethings I can't forget, I can fight to make them better." Begrudgingly, I struggle with conflicted feelings for my children. For the eleventh year in a row I've once again mailed Christmas cards to them to be stored and then I'll hand deliver them at some future date after King Jesus decides that it is finally time to intervene and allow for reconciliation. At some point in their future they will realize they were always held dear in my heart and I was continually intervening in prayer for them. Meanwhile, my spirit mourns and yearns for them. My heart also grieves for the war torn Ukrainians. My heart breaks for refugees sitting at our southern border. My thought are disturbed by the passing of tWitch and all of those whom are emotionally and mentally compromised (including the hordes of mentally compromised and addicted that I have lived with for over a decade). In 1863 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote a truly unusual Christmas song. Instead of the expected Christmastime joy and mirth, the lyrics take the form of a lament, crying out, "And in despair I bowed my head/there is no peace on earth I said/ for hate it strong and mocks the song/of peace on earth goodwill towards men." Although I may not be able to forget the despair caused by the rejection and lies of my prodigal, nor the abandonment by my daughter, I can fight to make it better.

I can fight to make it better! As I watched the now forever epic fight and dialogue between Obi-wan and Aniken in episode 6, I couldn't help but get choked up and shed a tear. As the fight between father and son climaxed and Obi-wan severed his padawan's mask revealing the vulnerable child inside, we see the final glimpse of Aniken. Aniken/Darth encourages Obi-wan not to mourn because of who he is now, telling him in a two-faced split personality that Obi-wan had not killed Aniken, but that [the dark side(?)] had. It is in that moment that Obi-wan realizes that his adopted son is lost, yet he still cannot bring himself to finally kill Aniken/Darth, clinging to his affection and hope for the conversion of the child that he raised. I still clinging to the affection and hope for the child that I raised. I can fight to make it better. I will continue to fight....from my knees....for the child I love. I am so thankful that King Jesus fought from his knees for this child that he loves. Henry Wadsworth answers his Christmas lament stating that, "God is not dead, nor does he sleep/ the wrong shall fail, the right prevail/ with peace on earth goodwill towards men." And I say Amen, declaring peace, reconciliation and restoration for and with my children.

tWitch

Recently, father, husband, brother-in-Christ, and multi talented entertainer Stephen Laurel "tWitch" Boss committed suicide on 12/14. I'd never met and certainly don't know him, other than the persona and interviews he'd given on television, but for some reason his death has shocked and rocked me. During these ten years of warehoused incarceration I've been able to watch him enter the realm of pop culture, especially his time on the Ellen Degeneres show, and now exit from this plane of existence. He seemed to have been endowed and favored by King Jesus with an idealistic life. I especially admired what a devoted father and husband that he not only seemed to be, but that so many have given testimony about since his passing.

Exactly what was is that caused him so much pain that he felt that suicide was his only solution? I'll be watching and reading the news intently for that answer. I've definitely considered committing acts of self harm over the past ten years as I continue to suffer the repercussions of my prodigal's weaponized false allegation, specifically from the loneliness, isolation, rejection, and purposefullessness that I continue to battle against. But what were tWitch's triggers? What was is about his life that left him so overwhelmingly distraught? Halford Luccock said, "empathy is your pain in my heart," and I'm quite certain that this is the pain my heart currently feels. Verisimilitude best describes how I perceived tWitch's demeanor. Every time I saw him on television he was bringing joy to others through his dance, his compassion, his humor, and his generosity. When he appeared with his family you could not only see the joy in his demeanor, but it exuded through the screen. That was all my heart has ever longed for, and still does: to be the father that the Lord created me to be. It's all I ever wanted. It's all that I still desire. To be out of this chattled warehouse, living in a tent along Riverside Drive, and cleaning toilets at Walmart into my eighties would all be OK as long as I could have a restored relationship with my prodigal, my daughter, and any future grandchildren. Why wasn't being an active and attentive father and husband enough for tWitch? I assume that there were no financial worries. I know that over the past decade that he's shared openly in interviews about some of his mental health issues and was an advocate for counseling and therapy. He just appeared to be a man who had it all together. I guess what concerns me the most is that I'm just a few weeks into this move at Jess Dunn and my feelings of isolation and purposefullessness have reemerged. I miss the handful of people I was beginning to get to know at Granite. Now that there is an open question about being able to easily accomplish a daily run, which I did for my mental health just as much as for my cardio health, that makes me frustrated. That combined with the overwhelming ETS is surely affecting me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Very luckily for me and the other men warehoused here, this yard offers several opportunities for spiritual development. I'm attending Crossing Community Church and the church of Christ (sponsored by Fort Gibson church of Christ) services on Sunday as well as a New Life Behavior 12 step program. I am not having thoughts of self harm or suicidal ideations, I'm just melancholy over missing the life and routine that I had established at Granite. Once again being FORCED to upheave my life and having little say over the direction my life is taking. The only choices I get to make are how I react to the DOC's decisions for me as well as my reactions to the actions of the strangers I live among. I'm just not sure why tWitch's death landed on me the way it did. I'm not sure why I am empathizing as deeply as I am.

I guess part of my issues is that if someone like tWitch cannot endure the pressures of a post George Floyd, post Donald Trump world, what are my chances of possibly being a successful 60 something upon my reentry? I have zero savings, zero retirement, and my employment opportunities may be severely restricted because of the nature of my prodigal's weaponized false allegations and Oklahoma's treatment of those they erroneously, ambiguously, and over zealously label as sex offenders. Kimberly and Brandon have committed acts of identity theft and credit fraud using my name and government numbers to apply for lines of credit they then defaulted on. My fight to reestablish my name and reputation upon my release will be a continual uphill battle. Fortunately, after walking and talking to the Lord about Twitch's suicide for a few days, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that what really and truly bothers me most about Twitch's death is wondering where God was in the middle of tWitch's pain while he was still residing in this plane of existance. I wonder the same about the Ukrainians. Where is He in the middle of the aggression and death Putin has imposed upon them? I still vomit in my mouth a bit at the thought of the overt rise of racism and white nationalism still promoted by the twice impeached, disgraced, former president and those who still espouse and promulgate those retrumplican values. Those three events continue to raise the same questions in my mind concerning where God has been in my own situation over the past 10-13 years, beginning with Brandon running away (4-22-09), Martha's initial lie (10-21-09), the weaponized false allegation levied against me (5-5-10), and the split verdict (9-1-12). I am thankful for God's protective hand during my incarceration and the daily Manasseh and Ephriam blessing, but still often wonder why it had to come to this, why He allowed this, why HE CHOOSES to CONTINUE to allow this. Why allow so many Ukrainian families and fathers and children to perish under a wicked oppressors depraved mindset? Why allow tWitch's pain to now have such a permanent and lifelong impact imposed upon his children? Yielding once again to my empathy, feelings, and reticences was not, is not, healthy. God, through his Holy Spirit, reminded me that Satan still holds the lease to this planet (thanks a lot Eve) and that Earth is still his playground. While God and his angelic hosts can still intervene, the planet does not belong back to him, yet. Satan hates us. Satan despises our creation. The war that he started in Heaven before Genesis 1:1 continues to play out these eons later, and humanity (and our planet) bares witness with its scars. I know my grief over tWitch is really about my own sense of present and future losses, but my heart truly goes out to his wife and children. I continue to claim reconciliation and restoration for and with my children, and well as claiming Joel 2:25 that King Jesus will restore in abundance everything that He has allowed satan to usurp. I understand the desire to make the mental, emotional, and spiritual pain go away. However, I refuse to give Satan that victory. The Lord will prevail. He will use this experience to His glory and for my good. My story is not over yet. He uses the broken things to his advantage. There is value and beauty in the well worn, the patina, and the rough edges. There will be victory, restoration, reconciliation, and restitution. In Jesus name! Amen! #revivify #my story is not over yet #Wabi Sabi

Birthday #54 / #11 while warehoused

    As I contemplate this birthday and holiday season, I am attempting to piece together some anecdotes I have either read or heard of late as I remember my children, recall better days, and offer my birthday prayer.

    Notably, the following anecdote was written on a wall during the Holocaust by an unknown author: "I believe in the sun even when it is not shinning, I believe in love even when I cannot feel it, I believe in God even when He is silent."     Ebulliently, Matthew records in his narrative at 17:14-20 Jesus as saying, "Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."     Curiously, while watching Thor Love and Thunder a few weeks back I so readily identified with Gorr's overwhelming feelings of loss and love for his daughter driving his menacing behaviour. I can understand loving your children so much, so deeply that you'd stop at almost nothing to reestablish a relationship with them. I also identify with Gorr wondering if God is just idly standing by while your world is being wrecked. I must wonder if Ukrainian's wonder the same these past nine months I know I have on their behalf. Thor then provided a bit of anecdotal truth to Gorr that has stuck with me. Thor said, "It is not death or revenge that you seek....you seek love."     Death or revenge is never loving. Revenge will not abate the pain. Revenge is never satisfying. One of my favorite episodes of Star Wars: Andor this fall was titled The Axe Forgets The Tree Remembers. Having a "Karen" use reverse racism, reverse genderism, and untruths against me in order to keep her job, having my prodigal agree to commit perjury to a DA's weaponized false allegations of abuse, being recently Monkey poxed, and then being a victim of keyboard courage and digital rage could all be reasons for revenge seeking behavior. But I will not fall for Satan's ploys.     Obviously, it is no coincidence that I've heard or read several times over the past few weeks in various devotionals and podcasts that if you're not being tested, then how can you know if your faith is genuine. I feel that King Jesus has been telling me quite often over the past few weeks to just tell my mountain to move. His Holy Spirit has also been encouraging me to continue to turn to Him, to allow these negative events to pass, and to trust that He will redeem the time, redeem the losses, and redeem the future.     Transcendent above all of the anecdotes I've been exposed to recently, this one from a podcast continues to be at the forefront of my mind .....A man meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and Peter asks, "Do you have any scars?" The man proudly beams and replies that he has absolutely none. Peter's eyes droop and he looks at him sadly and asks, " Why not? Was there nothing in your life worth fighting for?" ....as told by Matthew Perry as related to him by Martin Sheen......I never could have imagined as I was nurturing and rearing my children that my deepest scars would have been etched by my prodigal Absalom/Kylo and those I love most in this world. However, had I not loved the three of them so profoundly, their wounds upon me would not have been capable of being so gravely cut into my flesh.

    Eulogized at the Ferrix funeral for Marva on the season finale of Andor last week, Cassian Andor's friend delivers to him Marva's deathbed message and it brought me to my knees in great sobbing tears. He relates to Cassian his [mother's] final message, "I love you more than anything you could ever do," and those words moved me so deeply, because I feel the exact same way about my prodigal and my daughter. My birthday prayer is for them to receive that same hope filled message I forgive you and I love you more than you could ever do.     Sagaciously I firmly avow that I believe in the sun even when it is not shinning, I believe in love even when I cannot feel it, I believe in God even when He is silent, and I believe that He loves us more than we could ever do.

Merge Day

 It's time to trade in my buff and go into the merge.

I have completed the move to lower security. I signed for this move six weeks ago. I've been looking forward to it. I've been trusting King Jesus in it. You don't often hear many good things about minimum yards, but I've been trusting King Jesus. The four yards I've been warehoused at so far have been good yards. I've had very good cellies (Daniel Paul "DP" Waller, Gary Sellman, John Rowland, James Lewis (RIP)(JCCC),/ Roger Nash (Core Civic Cushing), / Dean Sloan Wilkins (GEO Lawton), / and Jeremy Young (OSR Granite)) and trust my Lord for another good cellie and safe yard. I watched the movies (Buzz) Lightyear and Top Gun:Maverick recently. I was amused by the concept of playing Dogfight Football. It reminded me of living on a prison yard because you are always, always, having to play offense and defense AT THE SAME TIME. I am not anticipating having to stay on alert too long once I settle in. Unlike Buzz, I AM going to rely on my I.V.A.N, my Holy Spirit led Internal Voice Activated Navigation system, to guide me through. In the eleven months I've been warehoused at the Granite facility the 48 weeks have sped by. In March, when I started attending Celebrate Recovery® On The Inside, I would introduce myself in the traditional format saying that I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who cerebrates recovery from rejection and selfishness and currently struggles with loneliness and a sense of purposefullessness. Almost immediately King Jesus brought me into contact with two sober seeking "youngsters" (40 year olds) who wanted to do a daily 7K run with me, and to share their stories and struggles. In choosing to be available for them and their emotional, spiritual, and accountability needs, I also found a sense of purpose and my own loneliness was eased. I will miss my Celebrate Recovery® accountability group and my sponcees. I will miss my running buddies. I will miss the trust we worked to establish and the way we could be very honest and open with one another. I will miss my barber. It's hard to find someone who can do a good bald fade and not hack up these cowlicks! I will miss having a competent staff librarian who was able to locate and order the Star Wars series that I was reading to pass the time a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. I look forward to the next steps in my journey........ (Fri. 12/2) It took over 14 hours, but I finally arrived at Jess Dunn about 8:30am this morning. I was dreading the actual transfer process, however it went very smoothly. There were only 3 other men involved in the bus ride from Granite(12/1 6:30pm) to the Lexington(10:30pm) hold over. They had cleaned up the holdover rooms and actually gave us a decent mat to sleep upon. We left at 3:30am for the John Lilly(5:30am) transfer hub. From there I was moved to a comfortable van for the 6:30-8:30 solo inmate ride to Taft. Once at Taft I was processed immediately and then went immediately to pick up my property from the quartermaster. I finally landed at my bunk @10:30am. It's all dormitory style living. It is purposefully overcrowded (very overcrowded) to justify necessitating "emergency" releases (wink wink to Gov. Stitt). I'm in an "aisle" bed (top bunk, again). Being in the "overflow" aisle means there is no electrical hookup or coax, but they have jerry rigged a system so I can watch TV.

All of the interactions I've had so far have been friendly. There are a lot of Millennials/genZers, as there were at Lawton. I will miss living with the exclusive over 45 crowd. I will miss my cell. From what I can tell in my few hours here these 30 somethings think nothing of being incarcerated. These "Zoomers" are living in goblin mode, like its almost funtimes. Of course, by definition, everyone at a minimum has less than 10 years to serve and have an actual "outdate", so most are living just under the radar with the renewed expectation of being released soon. (Sat. 12/3/22) The meals at Granite were the best of the first ten years, but already today I've been served a large Yellow Delicious apple, a generous serving of broccoli, fresh oranges, an entire, whole, baked sweet potato, a large portions of gut healthy sauerkraut, and all of the grapefruit you could ever hope to eat. (12/15) We've continued to eat well, being served fresh spinach salad, bananas, peppers, and peaches. There are more television stations to watch than at any yard I've been warehoused at. Most of these are digital over the air channels. I look forward to watching Tulsa/Green Country based news for the first time in ten years. When I was at Cushing they confiscated everyone's Master locks. I didn't need locks at Lawton or Granite, but feel like I really do here. Everything is just out in the open. Living in an aisle (think the median on Riverside Drive) I have traffic flowing by 24/7. There appears to be a paved running "track" that I can use, which is good news. There is a large chapel and I've been told a fairly large Leisure Library. Crossing Community Church comes here every Sunday, which is good news. There is an onsite canteen which I will put in an application to work at on Monday. There are individual shower stalls and toilet stalls with privacy screens, which is good to have. I wasn't looking forward to group showers again or the lack of privacy when using the toilet. These were both PREA initiatives. While not a totally fenceless yard, there are not double rows of concertina topped chain link. It is so nice to be back in green country with its rolling hills and trees. I've spent the past ten years in western Oklahoma surround by flat lands and farmlands, that have recently become colorless arid wastelands, or in the case of OSR, surround by the three story high concertina topped pink granite walls. Now when I go outside there is movement in the landscape, and I think I even saw a deer on one of my first outings. And I found myself thrilled at the sight of yellow, orange, and red leaves blowing across the yard, in particular the brilliantly golden orange yellow of the sugar maple (?) tree and its spiky seed pods. I feel in my spirit that this is just a short holdover on my immanent way home. I assume I am still on the December Parole docket. I assume my Commutation in still active, hopefully someone will call and check soon. I'm praying that Attorney General elect Gentner Drummond will be able to have some influence after he takes office in January 2023. (Wed. 12/7) It's my birthday. The first five days have been very uneventful, PTL! I've been excitedly and warmly welcomed by many men I had lived with at Crabtree over the past decade. The Leisure Library has almost every old canon/legacy Star Wars book published, Unfortunately, it has none of the new canon/Disney/Marvel series. However, the chaplain is a Star Wars fanatic. Yesterday, he began showing Episode One of the six part Kenobi series! As I sat in the darkened auditorium with the mini movie playing on the large screen I felt so "normal". I look forward to watching all three showings of each of the six episodes as this story unfolds over the next three weeks.

It's been nice to be served a wide variety of FRESH raw fruits and vegetables. I've established an approximate 2/3 mile paved track path that includes a steep grade that I've been running 7 laps of each morning. I've kept up with my burpees and abdominal routines. I continue to feel healthy. After 20 years on Lisinopril I am now taking Losartan Potassium 50 mg twice a day. However, I have deep, deep concerns over all of the second hand smoke, or Environmental Tobacco Smoke(ETS)(Helling v. McKinney Supreme Court of the United States June 18, 1993 509 U.S. 25113 S.Ct. 2475125 L.Ed.2d 2261 USLW 4648)(Beard v. Patton United States District Court, N.D. Oklahoma. February 16, 2016 Not Reported in Fed. Supp. 2016 WL 616379), that I am being exposed to. I am going to have to do some dogfight football and play some offense with medical to establish a case any future civil actions, including any future illness caused by the DOC's willful exposure of me to second hand smoke. At our yard orientation yesterday I learned that Conner's State University has partnered with Jess Dunn to offer an Associates degree in Business Management and it is free via a Pell Grant program. I hope to qualify, and if I'm still here when the next cycle starts to begin classes. I had to take the TABE test once again, and passed with mastery. I learned/realized at orientation yesterday that the warden is Casey Hamilton. I worked for him at Crabtree while he was the deputy warden and supervised the canteen. I sent him an application to work in the canteen here, reminding him of the tight ship we ran and how we achieved our percent of loss goals every month. He was a very knowledgeable, agreeable, and fair man. However, he was not treated well by staff and security. The staff would come into the canteen and dog on him, mostly because of his ethnicity. They say in western Oklahoma that if you're non white it is very hard to succeed "west of Enid", and I saw/heard first hand those sentiments being lived out. (Fri. 12/9) I've completed my first week at Jess Dunn. King Jesus has taken care of me. His angels have surrounded me, intervened for me, and protected me in ways I cannot see or imagine. We went to canteen today, so I now have locks. Apparently, I can now be trusted to own my own personal pair of nail clippers. I need to regulate my sleep better. A five hour block of Star Trek Original Series/Next Generation/DS9/Voyager/Enterprise begins each night at 7pm and then Dr. Quinn comes on from 5-7am. After 10 years of limited television selection, now I'm overloaded with too many selections. I'm afraid I'll be a binge watching fool upon my release. So far only one person has asked if "I'm that teacher from Tulsa". While my thoughts immediately turn to dogfight football, I may head the anecdote of the ten year old Leia Organa in Kenobi episode two when she says, "They say that the less you say the less you give away, but really, it's the opposite." I'll just have to handle each of these questioners on a case by case basis. The Environmental Tobacco Smoke (ETS) is overwhelming. My eyes stay red and stinging. My throat chokes with mucus. My allergies and asthma are being triggered. Living in this environment is unsustainable. I am rebuking Satan and this demonic activity. I will not succumb to this second hand health hazard. I proclaim the blessing of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego that the Lord will protect my lungs and that I will not even smell like smoke.

(Sun. 12/11) At Crossings this morning I enjoyed catching up with Michael Gilbert while noshing on my Krispy Kreme. I also attended the live stream of Crossing's Christmas concert featuring Sandy Patti. She looks like she could be my mother's sister or cousin. (Thurs. 12/15) So, I feel like I've been assimilated into the collective. I've been accepted, though I stay forever on alert. I was informed by the Yard Officer de jour that the path I've been running each morning is actually not allowed. I will need to turn in a Request To Staff to seek permission from the Warden for an exemption and/or establish an 8:00-9:00 a.m. running time, perhaps even establishing a running club or wearing a brightly colored vest so that the perimeter driver can watch us and/or the extremely limited closed circuit cameras can follow our movements. This was disappointing news. I passed the TABE test with Mastery, however, the Pell grant is not available to use for my continued college education because I already have as degree. That was disappointing news. So, I've traded in my buff and gone into the merge. I have completed the move to lower security. I signed for this move six weeks ago. I've been looking forward to it. I've been trusting King Jesus in it. You don't often hear many good things about minimum yards, but I've been trusting King Jesus. And so far that trust has been well placed. I can't tell if King Jesus has made prison easier, or if He has made me stronger. I suspect that it is the latter. In his book This Life, Quantas Conquest says something to the effect of "Once you've been in the fire so long you get used to the heat. Once you get used to the heat you start living." I know that I will be OK. Even if I get "no love" from the Pardon and Parole Board and I have to continue to be warehoused for the next 6 years I will not only survive, but will thrive. I will emerge from this ETS infused din stronger, and not even smelling like smoke.