THE Force Awakens

The first half of December has been very emotional, and the second half promises to be no less so. My birthday was the 7^th, today is day 1200, Friday is the premiere of Star Wars Episode VII, my 4^th Christmas without my family is fast approaching, followed by the new year; each day being one I have dreaded, being falsely convicted, locked up, alone, and without my loved ones to be around.

Satan continues to attempt to trap me in the snares of rejection, depression and oppression by attempting to place upon me his unholy thoughts and feelings. I find myself physically hungry and wanting to eat all of the time to pass the lonely evenings, satiate the boredom, and stave off the solitude and depression (than goodness I have a very limited cash flow and cannot afford to have food in my locker box or I would be as obese and gluttonous as Jabba the Hutt). It is a continual daily, sometimes hourly, occasionally moment by moment, fight to rise above the threats, intimidations, and accusations of the dark side and to maintain the higher calling and standards that the Lord has instilled in, and insists upon, me to uphold.

As much as I despise the desolation, destitution, and denigration of the past 1200 days, I have fond one thing to be grateful for: THE Force that has awakened anew within me as God’s Holy Spirit has reinforced Himself so much more deeply, clearly, and resolutely in my life. If God’s Holy Force had not responded to my deep sorrow, my deep sadness, and deep despair from the rejection, abandonment, and isolation I felt sitting in Tulsa County jail, Lexington A&R, and now Crabtree, I don’t know that I would have, could have, survived nor thrived the way I appear to be existing in this Sith-like experience.

When I read through the plot summary of this 7^th episode of the Star Wars saga, I relate so well to the tragedy that befalls Han Solo, being betrayed and scorned, killed, by a son whom was/is more concerned with his own future, with his own millennial driven entitlement issues, than with the truth or a relationship with his family.

Just as Kylo Ren (Ben Organa-Skywalker-Solo) listened to the unholy whisperings of Supreme Leader Snoke, as Aniken did from Palpatine, and Absalom did Satan (2 Sam 13,15), my son too was swayed by the evil entities and unholy spirits that so stealthily and sithfully whispered to him that whatever complaints, concerns, and unwanted corrections he had in his life were to be attributed to his father (2 Sam 14).

Despite Han’s, Obi-wan’s, David’s (2 Sam 14:23-30; 18:4-6), or even my best efforts, our padawan’s could not be swayed from their evil and unjust inclinations and plans.

I still struggle to understand why my son chose the patch, the dark side, that he did/has. I don’t know what he has gained through his betrayal, deception, and lies except to gain favor and an inheritance from his grandmother before it was truly due. Like Kylo Ren, he too was/is looking to secure his future for himself, on his own terms, instead of seeking THE Force to lead him in His direction for his life.

I continue to pray daily for my son’s turn from the dark side. However, it all seems prophetic as Luke forewarns that in the last days that you will be betrayed by your family (v 21:16), and Mark more specifically says that children will turn against their parents and have them killed (v 13:12). I see in The Force Awakens the very same plotline of my current situation: Han getting the shaft from a son under a dark side influence.

I praise God that I am not operating solo; that THE Force, God’s Holy Spirit, His Word, and His Wisdom have saved me. I know that shafting dark side experiences are inevitable (James 1:1-8) and are allowed into our lives to winnow us, to grow us, to strengthen and prepare us for a greater purpose and calling by the Light Side of THE Force. I find great comfort and resolve in knowing that my God despises, even hates, people who lie, make evil plans, give false testimony in court, and stir up trouble in a family (Prov 6:19). I cling to the promises of David, even as he suffered under Absalom’s Kylo-Ren like vendetta, that God will expose lies and liars, reveal the truth, shatter their jaws, capture, and defeat liars with their own traps (Ps 3, 63, 71).

As my Federal Appeal sits for day #272 on Judge Frizzel’s desk I rejoice in knowing that God’s Holy Spirit, THE Force in my life, continues to be my constant comforter, companion, and caretaker. I find great compunction in knowing that He is my counsel, advocate, and paraclete bringing justice to my case, exposing lies and liars, revealing truth and freeing me from these fences (Ps 18:19-20). I thank THE Force in my life for helping me abstain from being emotionally two-faced (Ps 119:113) and gluttonous as I await deliverance and rescue, trusting that although we make our own decisions and choices, light or dark, that He alone determines what happens (Prov 16:33, “No Dice”) having faith and a new hope that He will deliver me through His continued daily awakening force from within.