The reality that I currently live out is infused with its own shades of gray. As offenders, we wear outfits of various achromatic degrees; socks, boxers, pants, t-shirts, overshirts, coats, liners, and caps, all in differing gravel tones. Our dormitory is awash in glossy two-tone gray scale. We are surrounded by the dulling gunmetal gray of chain link, reinforced by miles of glistening icy sharp concertina razor wire. Huge swatches of gray shingles float atop our renovated 1905 two-story, former reformatories, contrasting against the brilliant blue northwestern Oklahoma sky.
The gray keeps us grounded, and off the highly valued and manicured grass as we are herded along the acres of dinged concrete sidewalk, bordered by the graying, weathered wood of decades old park benches. The gray is reinforced each morning in our almost indistinguishable grits, oatmeal, rice, cream of wheat, and gravy. My day is lived out in and amongst the gray of indifference and incarceration; a daily reminder of an offender’s less than world.
Of recent concern is the gray that has infiltrated my once dark hair. It has subtlety peppered my scalp, with a recent shocking stalk of silver sprouting out front and center at the top of my forehead. The grayness of this wilderness type adventure in my life is at times overwhelming. This first week of March 2013 brought with it gray skies, bitter winds, cold rain, and pelting sleet that obscured the previously emerging spring, blue heavens, and warm southern winds that had recently swept the western plains of the panhandle. Along with the overcast weather came a gloomy mood. While these shades of gray at James Crabtree are preferable to the oranges of county jail and the dark, dank dreariness of Lexington A&R, this charcoaled, Dark Tower, existence lacks the full colored richness of freedom. “ Gray plain all round: nothing but plain to the horizons bound.”
However, when I am tempted to fall into discouragement, God reminds me that He has covered me in His own shades of grace. Through His fluorescing grace I am able to see over those dulling gray chain links, past the deceptive glint of icy, silver-tinted razor wire to be he azure skies and greening hay fields beyond. The concrete border of walkways frame beds of flowering beauty and ripening grass. Along with the gloomy precipitation came a covering of renewed whiteness blanketing the dreariness. The milling army of me in their matching uniforms of conformity allow me to see past the masks of name brands, trendy threads, and marks of economic status to see my fellow creatures of brotherhood serving in corrections with me.
God also reminds me that His word says that “gray hair is a glorious crown worn by those who have lived right” Proverbs 16:31, that the gray and His grace are in relation to each other. Proverbs 25:4 tells us that “silver must be purified before it can be used to make something of value”. Peter repeatedly speaks of a refining grace, a grace that allows for the trials that prove your faith is worthy and cannot be destroyed (I Peter 1:7). In John Beveer’s book, Extraordinary, he points out that a life that pleases God, given to us by His grace (II Peter 1:3), activated by our faith (Acts 5:33), so that His nature would become part of us (II Peter 1:4).
When I choose to allow His grace to replace my gray, I am making a choice to become like Him in this world (I John 1:4). Proverbs 20:29 exhorts that “young people take pride in their strength, but gray hairs of wisdom are even more beautiful”. James reminds us right from the beginning of his letter to the Christians scattered throughout the Roman Empire not to be two-faced; to ask for wisdom. (James 1: 5-6) God wants to replace our benign, gray experiences with His wisdom and grace. He is a generous transformer. Just as He used the seas to bring revelation to the exiles “why’s?” (Exodus 14), He is replacing the why’s/y’s of my gray exile with the C’s of His compassion, care, concern, and covering.
These shades of my achromatic surroundings diffuse some of the ugliness of imprisonment and allow for the colorful ways of God’s transforming nature to be undeniable as He allows this wilderness time of refining and purifying to reveal themselves through His dozens of shades of grace.
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